One might think that the title of this blog post is a mini-homage to the book I finished last week, Jodi Picoult's My Sister's Keeper. in the last section of her book, all the narratives begin with those words--it's raining. but alas, that assumption would be wrong. it's raining here, and it's making me very sleepy and just generally disinterested in doing anything at all except staring at my eyelids.
for the last five days i was supposed to have been working on my dissertation prospectus. "supposed to" being the key words there, since i haven't gotten much done other than thinking of four general ideas that maybe each chapter could be about and some very superficial thinking on what primary texts i could use in my dissertation. that's it. so i'm thinking that today, i'm going to go home, take a nap, then go for coffee and do some work for a couple of hours, so that when i really sit down to work tomorrow i'll have (hopefully) at least a tiny bit to work with instead of a tabula rasa.
Friday, October 23, 2009
Sunday, October 18, 2009
Another Day of Grading & Random Thoughts
random thought #1 - grading is going to go much faster today. mainly because just as i suspected a week after i gave my students their essay prompt, the prompt is just bad. i won't spend much time commenting on them, probably nothing more than how well they built their argument, and then say in class tomorrow that if they are interested in revising this essay for the portfolio to contact me and we can discuss it further. bad me for bad essay prompt!
random thought #2 - it's upsetting that all this week i've been thinking to myself--if i can only get through this week, to noon on monday, then everything will be much better. i kinda thought this mentality was going to go away after i finished my exams, but no. naps have still been riddled with guilt do the very tall stacks of grading that i have been neglecting, and there's still tons of stuff to do. sigh. i can't wait for the thanksgiving holidays!
random thought #2 - it's upsetting that all this week i've been thinking to myself--if i can only get through this week, to noon on monday, then everything will be much better. i kinda thought this mentality was going to go away after i finished my exams, but no. naps have still been riddled with guilt do the very tall stacks of grading that i have been neglecting, and there's still tons of stuff to do. sigh. i can't wait for the thanksgiving holidays!
Saturday, October 17, 2009
Random Thoughts While Sitting in the Coffee Shop
so i'm here at my local coffee shop trying to grade student essays. my first random thought--it really really irritates me when people seem to come to the coffee shop for the sole express purpose of talking on their cell phones, probably talking to people they just left at home or the office. this woman sitting beside me has her computer open, but the first thing she did after sitting down was make a phone call, which she's still on, as if the people sitting around her want to hear her conversation. seriously? what are people thinking these days? are people thinking at all?
random thought #2 - it looks like it's snowing outside, even though it's just dust and pollen floating around in the air.
random thought #3 - i'd like to leave the coffee shop now and go home, but i have yet to finish grading the stack of papers i brought with me, and i said i wouldn't let myself leave until that stack was done. ugh.
random thought #4 - piping through the speakers in the coffee house right now--bon jovi's "never say goodbye". jeez, i haven't heard this song in ages!
random thought #5 (which did not occur in the coffee shop but at home while sitting at my desk watching the yankees/angels baseball game that has gone into extra innings) - i have no idea how to comment on this student's paper, who presents a point of view to which i am so completely diametrically opposed it's almost ridiculous.
random thought #2 - it looks like it's snowing outside, even though it's just dust and pollen floating around in the air.
random thought #3 - i'd like to leave the coffee shop now and go home, but i have yet to finish grading the stack of papers i brought with me, and i said i wouldn't let myself leave until that stack was done. ugh.
random thought #4 - piping through the speakers in the coffee house right now--bon jovi's "never say goodbye". jeez, i haven't heard this song in ages!
random thought #5 (which did not occur in the coffee shop but at home while sitting at my desk watching the yankees/angels baseball game that has gone into extra innings) - i have no idea how to comment on this student's paper, who presents a point of view to which i am so completely diametrically opposed it's almost ridiculous.
Friday, October 16, 2009
Doubting Lisa
So yes, it's been an incredibly long time since my last blog post. Lots and lots has happened since September 21st! First of all, I have finished the written part of my ph.d. qualifying exams. Woo-hoo! More on that later.
Apparently, I either am the worst teacher and chooser of contemporary literature ever or ... or my students just don't like what i've chosen. Perhaps it's a bit of both. We just finished reading Jodi Picoult's My Sister's Keeper, and for the most part, all of my students liked it. Why is this not a good thing? Don't get me wrong, it's a great thing. I'm so glad that they liked it because it's been really hard getting them interested in anything. The thing is that i can't take credit for this book selection -- it's the one that was selected and recommended by last year's class. So after this book, which can be a little downer and a little heavy, i thought it would be nice to read something light and funny...enter Tony Hawks' Round Ireland with a Fridge. It's a travel narrative, and it has dry British humor and wit. and it got absolutely no response from my class. one of my students said that they picked it up to avoid having to do real studying and put it back down again. really? i asked one of my other students after class if the book was really that bad, and they said no, that he liked it. here's the thing: it's hard for me not to care if they like the book or not. it's hard for me to not take it personally. it's hard for me to not let this fill me with all kinds of self-doubt about my ability to teach a successful, engaging, and thought-provoking literature class. i know. it's not all me, but seriously. why is this so hard? i'm not saying that i need it to be easy or expect it to be easy, but i also didn't expect it to be a daily struggle.
Apparently, I either am the worst teacher and chooser of contemporary literature ever or ... or my students just don't like what i've chosen. Perhaps it's a bit of both. We just finished reading Jodi Picoult's My Sister's Keeper, and for the most part, all of my students liked it. Why is this not a good thing? Don't get me wrong, it's a great thing. I'm so glad that they liked it because it's been really hard getting them interested in anything. The thing is that i can't take credit for this book selection -- it's the one that was selected and recommended by last year's class. So after this book, which can be a little downer and a little heavy, i thought it would be nice to read something light and funny...enter Tony Hawks' Round Ireland with a Fridge. It's a travel narrative, and it has dry British humor and wit. and it got absolutely no response from my class. one of my students said that they picked it up to avoid having to do real studying and put it back down again. really? i asked one of my other students after class if the book was really that bad, and they said no, that he liked it. here's the thing: it's hard for me not to care if they like the book or not. it's hard for me to not take it personally. it's hard for me to not let this fill me with all kinds of self-doubt about my ability to teach a successful, engaging, and thought-provoking literature class. i know. it's not all me, but seriously. why is this so hard? i'm not saying that i need it to be easy or expect it to be easy, but i also didn't expect it to be a daily struggle.
Monday, September 21, 2009
Today is..the Greatest Day...????
surprise. who knew i would spout off smashing pumpkins lyrics in this blog post? i wonder if that has some subliminal meaning?
anyway, today's the day that i begin my ph.d. exams. i can't believe today is the day and that they are already (or finally?) here! i can't say that i got a lot accomplished during the last week but well, can't do anything about that now. my chair told me to get a good night's sleep, so to that end i took a tylenol PM last night before getting into bed (just one, two is too much and makes me groggy all of the next day). i did get a full 8+ hours sleep. but this morning as i was walking down to the coffee shop and the bus stop, i started wondering if it was the tylenol PM or nerves jumping around in my stomach. not surprising, the coffee has helped a little bit as far as settling my stomach. i wonder if i'm going to be all edgy and tense until 1pm until i get my question. hopefully having to teach at nine and eleven and also having to hurry up and find something for my 11 o'clock class to read on wednesday and get copies of that reading will make the time go by faster and will keep my mind occupied.
but, i also have to say that i do feel like i'm ready to start. i recently read a blog post that gave mentor advice to graduate students, and the last one on the list of tips? let go of the guilt for not getting as much done as you wanted to get done. for me this is great advice because well, you know how much of a perfectionist i am and how frustrated i get with myself when i don't check off everything on my to-do list. but it's okay. because i really do feel ready. i have no idea what the questions i get will ask but i do know that (a) i have a plan for how the week should go and really, i think that's half the battle and (b) i have read LOTS of stuff on my first list so that means that i have LOTS of stuff to choose from as far as which primary texts to use to answer my question. so what if i didn't read women in love? like i was going to use that book to answer my question? puhlease.
sidebar--i can't tell you how amused i am right now to sit here and think that the way i've chosen to channel all my excess tension and nerves this morning is through writing. speaks volumes, doesn't it.
well, i'm off to class. my english 110 students are reading the perks of being a wallflower this week. i absolutely adore this book and i hope they will too. at least i know that the complaints i've gotten on past reading won't be repeated this week. guess they'll have to find a whole new crop of complaints to come up with.
10.10 - just got back from a busted class. i hope this is not going to establish a trend for the rest of the day
11.00 - on my way to teach my 101 class. hope it goes better than 110. my stomach is feeling much better.
12.30 - 101 class went much better than my 110 class. dropped off a book at the library and walked home which let me enjoy the wonderful fall weather we are having. about to make lunch. waiting for my questions....
1.00 - oh boy! just opened the e-mail with my exam questions and printing them out now....blahhhhh......!!!!!
1.25 - okay so i have three questions to choose from. i'm pretty sure i know which one i'm NOT going to answer. and i'm also not freaking out. all of these things are huge positives.
anyway, today's the day that i begin my ph.d. exams. i can't believe today is the day and that they are already (or finally?) here! i can't say that i got a lot accomplished during the last week but well, can't do anything about that now. my chair told me to get a good night's sleep, so to that end i took a tylenol PM last night before getting into bed (just one, two is too much and makes me groggy all of the next day). i did get a full 8+ hours sleep. but this morning as i was walking down to the coffee shop and the bus stop, i started wondering if it was the tylenol PM or nerves jumping around in my stomach. not surprising, the coffee has helped a little bit as far as settling my stomach. i wonder if i'm going to be all edgy and tense until 1pm until i get my question. hopefully having to teach at nine and eleven and also having to hurry up and find something for my 11 o'clock class to read on wednesday and get copies of that reading will make the time go by faster and will keep my mind occupied.
but, i also have to say that i do feel like i'm ready to start. i recently read a blog post that gave mentor advice to graduate students, and the last one on the list of tips? let go of the guilt for not getting as much done as you wanted to get done. for me this is great advice because well, you know how much of a perfectionist i am and how frustrated i get with myself when i don't check off everything on my to-do list. but it's okay. because i really do feel ready. i have no idea what the questions i get will ask but i do know that (a) i have a plan for how the week should go and really, i think that's half the battle and (b) i have read LOTS of stuff on my first list so that means that i have LOTS of stuff to choose from as far as which primary texts to use to answer my question. so what if i didn't read women in love? like i was going to use that book to answer my question? puhlease.
sidebar--i can't tell you how amused i am right now to sit here and think that the way i've chosen to channel all my excess tension and nerves this morning is through writing. speaks volumes, doesn't it.
well, i'm off to class. my english 110 students are reading the perks of being a wallflower this week. i absolutely adore this book and i hope they will too. at least i know that the complaints i've gotten on past reading won't be repeated this week. guess they'll have to find a whole new crop of complaints to come up with.
10.10 - just got back from a busted class. i hope this is not going to establish a trend for the rest of the day
11.00 - on my way to teach my 101 class. hope it goes better than 110. my stomach is feeling much better.
12.30 - 101 class went much better than my 110 class. dropped off a book at the library and walked home which let me enjoy the wonderful fall weather we are having. about to make lunch. waiting for my questions....
1.00 - oh boy! just opened the e-mail with my exam questions and printing them out now....blahhhhh......!!!!!
1.25 - okay so i have three questions to choose from. i'm pretty sure i know which one i'm NOT going to answer. and i'm also not freaking out. all of these things are huge positives.
Wednesday, September 16, 2009
Photograph
All it took was a photograph.
It's been about a 50/50 proposition as to whether i would have a meltdown in the week before my qualifying exams. now i have the answer. YES!!! however, the very last thing i was expecting was that this meltdown would be caused by something as innocuous as a photograph.
it's a quite lovely photograph. the problem with this photograph is that I'M NOT IN IT!!!!!! there's my family--mom and dad, brother and sister-in-law, and my beautiful niece. along with my brother's in-laws. all of them. not only am i not in this picture but I'M THE ONLY ONE MISSING!!!!
it's actually amazing how inextricably linked this photograph and my exams are when i sit here and think about it. my exams are the reason that i'm missing from this photograph. this photograph is the reason for the meltdown the week before my exams. it's almost like trying to answer the question of which came first: the chicken or the egg. however, i keep telling myself that i'm not in this photograph because i made a conscious decision and all decisions have consequences. if i don't like the consequences of this decision then it's my own fault and no one else's.
i was in the elevator today with some of my fellow graduate students and they were asking me if i'd already started my exams to which i replied for about the 1000th time "no, i don't start till Monday". and to which the not surprising reply was "wow, you seem pretty calm". seriously, if i hear that again that might make me come unglued for a second time. because right at this moment, i'm about as far away from calm as i can get. you know those moments of stark terror i've been talking about? well i'm in one of them right now.
It's been about a 50/50 proposition as to whether i would have a meltdown in the week before my qualifying exams. now i have the answer. YES!!! however, the very last thing i was expecting was that this meltdown would be caused by something as innocuous as a photograph.
it's a quite lovely photograph. the problem with this photograph is that I'M NOT IN IT!!!!!! there's my family--mom and dad, brother and sister-in-law, and my beautiful niece. along with my brother's in-laws. all of them. not only am i not in this picture but I'M THE ONLY ONE MISSING!!!!
it's actually amazing how inextricably linked this photograph and my exams are when i sit here and think about it. my exams are the reason that i'm missing from this photograph. this photograph is the reason for the meltdown the week before my exams. it's almost like trying to answer the question of which came first: the chicken or the egg. however, i keep telling myself that i'm not in this photograph because i made a conscious decision and all decisions have consequences. if i don't like the consequences of this decision then it's my own fault and no one else's.
i was in the elevator today with some of my fellow graduate students and they were asking me if i'd already started my exams to which i replied for about the 1000th time "no, i don't start till Monday". and to which the not surprising reply was "wow, you seem pretty calm". seriously, if i hear that again that might make me come unglued for a second time. because right at this moment, i'm about as far away from calm as i can get. you know those moments of stark terror i've been talking about? well i'm in one of them right now.
Wednesday, September 9, 2009
Shifting Gears
All I can say about the most recent post -- oops! That's actually for my English 110 class. Somehow I was on the wrong blog!
But back to me. So, exams are in T-11 days. Today I feel fine. But as I was driving through downtown earlier this afternoon I thought to myself, sure, I feel fine now, but how am i going to feel on monday when i'm meeting with my advisor and it's T-7 days until my exams. I could very well be freaking out. Or, maybe I'll be just as fine on monday as i am today. who knows? you can never discount the freaking out factor that usually comes when you realize you have one week until the day circled 100 times in red on your calendar.
funny thing is, i can feel myself slowing down. i mean, i have a very short list of books i'd like to get through before next monday. i did my best to make this list manageable and reasonable. but see the thing is...i'm not sure how much more fiction i can cram into my brain. really, i'm not sure how much more of anything i can cram into my brain at this point. i feel like i've been reading for months, and well, i have, but now it actually feels like i have, and that sort of makes all the difference mindset-wise. i'm not sure if what i just said makes any sense at all. the point is, i'm having trouble picking up the next book, and then the next book, and then the next book. what had kept me picking up book after book was stark terror and panic. either i've passed that stage completely (although if i have, i have no idea what comes after that stage - can anyone tell me?) or i just feel ready. as ready as i'm ever going to feel that is. i mean, i think there will be definite moments of extreme fear and uncertainty the day that i get my questions, but i think i can manage the stress and i think if i can just get through the first one i'll be able to get through the second two weeks. because with the second week at least i'll feel like i have some idea of what i'm doing.
it's weird because i just want to tell myself to relax. but at the same time i know me. i need stress in order to produce good work. and well, writing 20-25 pages in a week will be plenty of stress. as i keep saying, we'll see what happens.
i do know though that i'm not going to do anything school-related the sunday before exams. i have no idea what i'm going to do yet--probably go for a workout at the gym and maybe see a movie and do some cleaning and most definitely take a nap. not sure how else i'll fill that day but i'm definitely open to suggestions...
P.S. after writing this i was asking myself what movies are even out or will be coming out the weekend before my exams. so i went to the movie theatre website and found the trailer for love happens. OMG. i just adore aaron eckhart. that movie could very well be in my near future...
But back to me. So, exams are in T-11 days. Today I feel fine. But as I was driving through downtown earlier this afternoon I thought to myself, sure, I feel fine now, but how am i going to feel on monday when i'm meeting with my advisor and it's T-7 days until my exams. I could very well be freaking out. Or, maybe I'll be just as fine on monday as i am today. who knows? you can never discount the freaking out factor that usually comes when you realize you have one week until the day circled 100 times in red on your calendar.
funny thing is, i can feel myself slowing down. i mean, i have a very short list of books i'd like to get through before next monday. i did my best to make this list manageable and reasonable. but see the thing is...i'm not sure how much more fiction i can cram into my brain. really, i'm not sure how much more of anything i can cram into my brain at this point. i feel like i've been reading for months, and well, i have, but now it actually feels like i have, and that sort of makes all the difference mindset-wise. i'm not sure if what i just said makes any sense at all. the point is, i'm having trouble picking up the next book, and then the next book, and then the next book. what had kept me picking up book after book was stark terror and panic. either i've passed that stage completely (although if i have, i have no idea what comes after that stage - can anyone tell me?) or i just feel ready. as ready as i'm ever going to feel that is. i mean, i think there will be definite moments of extreme fear and uncertainty the day that i get my questions, but i think i can manage the stress and i think if i can just get through the first one i'll be able to get through the second two weeks. because with the second week at least i'll feel like i have some idea of what i'm doing.
it's weird because i just want to tell myself to relax. but at the same time i know me. i need stress in order to produce good work. and well, writing 20-25 pages in a week will be plenty of stress. as i keep saying, we'll see what happens.
i do know though that i'm not going to do anything school-related the sunday before exams. i have no idea what i'm going to do yet--probably go for a workout at the gym and maybe see a movie and do some cleaning and most definitely take a nap. not sure how else i'll fill that day but i'm definitely open to suggestions...
P.S. after writing this i was asking myself what movies are even out or will be coming out the weekend before my exams. so i went to the movie theatre website and found the trailer for love happens. OMG. i just adore aaron eckhart. that movie could very well be in my near future...
A Place So Foreign and 8 More ~ Reading Schedule
For Friday, 9/11, make sure to read the title story "A Place So Foreign"
For Monday, 9/14, read "To Market, To Market: The Rebranding of Billy Bailey" and "Shadow of the Mothaship"
For Wednesday, 9/16, read "Home Again, Home Again" and "0wnz0red"
I'm also very excited to announce that we'll have a guest instructor in class on Monday, 9/14. Her name is Julie Meloni and she's an instructor in the English department, currently teaching 20th/21st Century Global Literature at the Tri-Cities campus. She's a big fan of Doctorow and can't wait to meet our class.
For Monday, 9/14, read "To Market, To Market: The Rebranding of Billy Bailey" and "Shadow of the Mothaship"
For Wednesday, 9/16, read "Home Again, Home Again" and "0wnz0red"
I'm also very excited to announce that we'll have a guest instructor in class on Monday, 9/14. Her name is Julie Meloni and she's an instructor in the English department, currently teaching 20th/21st Century Global Literature at the Tri-Cities campus. She's a big fan of Doctorow and can't wait to meet our class.
Wednesday, September 2, 2009
Exams Are Nearly Here!!!!
i can't believe that in just a little less than three weeks i'll be taking my qualifying exams. i popped into my chair's office today to schedule a meeting for next week and he told me that he thought i was appropriately stressed out. this description of myself makes me laugh. because who would have ever thought that being "appropriately stressed out" would be a state that i would aspire to or feel comfortable inhabiting? i said that i thought i was way more stressed out than i was actually letting on, but he says that i'm busy and steadily checking stuff off my lists and not totally freaking out and hence can't get anything done. so i guess that's good. i am nervous about the whole thing, but i'm also looking forward to the experience, but i'm also looking forward to having them done. it's a very weird place to be.
Monday, August 31, 2009
Ch-ch-change....
It's amazing how much the process of becoming a teacher has changed me.
Not that I consider myself to be a full-blown "experienced" teacher yet. I'm still in the process of becoming that. Sure, I teach college composition, and I'm teaching a literature class now, but when people ask me what I do, my answer is still that I'm a graduate student working on a ph.d. I don't ever say that I'm a teacher, unless I'm asked whether or not I have to teach or do I want to use my ph.d. to teach. I suppose that the actual act of teaching isn't enough to make one a teacher. Part of that becoming involves actually thinking of oneself as a teacher. I am struggling to get to the point where I can see myself in this light.
While there is a large support group at my school for those instructors who teach college composition, there isn't something similar for those of us who are graduate students teaching literature courses, and I really wish there was. Each instructor has to take the initiative to reach out to other instructors and find out what similar challenges we face and get tips from each other on how to handle a wide variety of issues. And while I always enjoy these one-on-one discussions and usually leave with the sense that I'm not the only one facing these challenges, I often feel like learning to teach literature to students is a process of trial and error.
This is where I feel like I've changed during this continuing process of becoming a teacher. I've always been pretty self-confident, but this whole teaching business--well, that's made a pretty insecure person. I always think I've come up with such great and stimulating questions to ask students and to open discussion but it doesn't always work out that way. But...I will persevere and this insecurity has led me to have to always be willing to try new things.
Still, part of me wonders if even experienced teachers find that old saying true...we all lead quiet lives of desperation...
Not that I consider myself to be a full-blown "experienced" teacher yet. I'm still in the process of becoming that. Sure, I teach college composition, and I'm teaching a literature class now, but when people ask me what I do, my answer is still that I'm a graduate student working on a ph.d. I don't ever say that I'm a teacher, unless I'm asked whether or not I have to teach or do I want to use my ph.d. to teach. I suppose that the actual act of teaching isn't enough to make one a teacher. Part of that becoming involves actually thinking of oneself as a teacher. I am struggling to get to the point where I can see myself in this light.
While there is a large support group at my school for those instructors who teach college composition, there isn't something similar for those of us who are graduate students teaching literature courses, and I really wish there was. Each instructor has to take the initiative to reach out to other instructors and find out what similar challenges we face and get tips from each other on how to handle a wide variety of issues. And while I always enjoy these one-on-one discussions and usually leave with the sense that I'm not the only one facing these challenges, I often feel like learning to teach literature to students is a process of trial and error.
This is where I feel like I've changed during this continuing process of becoming a teacher. I've always been pretty self-confident, but this whole teaching business--well, that's made a pretty insecure person. I always think I've come up with such great and stimulating questions to ask students and to open discussion but it doesn't always work out that way. But...I will persevere and this insecurity has led me to have to always be willing to try new things.
Still, part of me wonders if even experienced teachers find that old saying true...we all lead quiet lives of desperation...
Tuesday, August 4, 2009
Felicia's Journey
so a little while ago i finished reading william trevor's book felicia's journey. if you're looking for something with a happy or inspiring ending, this book is definitely not it. but i'm getting ahead of myself.
here's a basic plot summary without giving away the ultimate ending of the book. our title character, felicia, is a really young "Irish girl" (she's referred to that way so many times it's a little ridiculous) who--you guessed it--falls in love with an Irish lad who's a total rake. Felicia's father tells her that she shouldn't see him because there are rumors that Johnny has become a member of the British Army. however, daddy's warning comes to late, as felicia has already been "ruined" and finds herself pregnant with johnny's baby. being the rake that he is, he's given her false information as to what he does for living and where he lives and leaves her with no address and a flimsy promise that he'll be back to see her at christmas before hopping on a bus and leaving. felicia, learning that she's pregnant, determines to go to england and find her lover and break the news and then together they can decide what to do. she goes to england, and of course can't find him. that's where the other character--mr. hilditch--comes in. she stops him for directions, and then later he gives her a recommendation for a place where she can spend the night. mr. hilditch, of course, is no good man, even though everyone who knows him would testify to that very idea. rather, he's the serial killer named on the back of the book (i don't think this is a spoiler because this is pretty obvious from the get-go). suffice it to say, mr. hilditch gets felicia to trust him and more bad things happen to her.
it's difficult to figure out which is supposed to be felicia's greatest folly in the early part of the book--getting pregnant, leaving home without knowing where she's going, or trusting hilditch. what the author does seem to be trying to convey is that all of these follies are committed due to felicia's innocence and "simple" upbringing. that she's completely naive and has been seduced and preyed upon by an unconscionable man. there is also the sense too that somehow felicia's family has failed to protect her...that they were ineffectual safeguards for her innocence. her mother died when she was a child, and her father is more concerned with felicia's state of unemployment and insists that she work part-time so that in her other time she can care for her centenarian great-grandmother and cook and clean for her two brothers who still live at home. she has another brother who has recently married, who is a plasterer by trade, but eventually gives up that trade in order to help run his wife's family's store. her father doesn't realize that felicia has been dating johnny until it's far too late, and her brothers spend their anger on johnny by beating and kicking him one night outside of bar when he finally does return to felicia's small town after she has left. all three men are made to appear useless and completely unaware of what's going on with a woman they live with and see everyday (but then again, isn't that typical?). further still, not only is felicia a good Irish girl, but she's a good Catholic Irish girl, who went to school at a convent. she doesn't go to the sisters for guidance with her trouble, and there seems to be an implication that rather than aiding her in her time of need, she'll be scorned and outcasted. what further complicates all this is the one-dimensional woodenness of felicia's character. the author doesn't do a really good job of drawing her and completing a full character. she remains fate's plaything for most of the novel until the final climactic scene, but even then, she is portrayed as having given in to her fate without any fight and without any real interest in living life.
of course, i can't comment upon this without discussing what seems to be an overt attempt to make a political statement about Irish/British relations. this book was written in 1994. but it seems to me that with the character of johnny and the rumor that he (being native Irish) is in the british army not only speaks to the lengths that irish have been forced to go in order to survive, but also it can be read as a metaphor for empire--the evil, cunning british seducing the innocent, simple irish and then walking away, feeling no responsibility at all for the destruction they've wrought, leaving the irish to deal with the ramifications and consequences of the imperial encounter. even felicia's continued passivity and hilditch's aggressive behavior (hilditch being british) only repeats that imperial encounter except in a different setting--which would seem to suggest that the irish are not safe from the british in their own country or in england. felicia's corrupted innocence and her ultimate fate seem to be inescapable and irretrievable. perhaps that's why this book doesn't have a happy ending.
while i think trevor's character development is lacking (unless of course, he intended this so that felicia could stand in for the greater idea of Ireland) his writing is beautiful and evocative. on that level, i can see why there were so many rave reviews printed on the back of this book. also, there seems something very familiar in the style of this book. meaning, this is the third book in a row that i've read by an irish writer. this book is more contemporary than dubliners, but it does have a modernist feel to it as far as the style of storytelling. i suppose as i read more contemporary irish writing i will be able to better be able to tell whether this is a tradition of irish literature. meaning, even though it's not "modern" it can be said to be a descendant of that literary genre. it's odd because here i am once more, not sure whether i liked this book or not. i can say that i liked it more than the third policeman. i can also say that it leaves me with a lot to think about and ponder over, and there was even a moment when i wondered if my 110 students would like this book. i also wonder if a lot of scholarly work has been done on this book and whether or not my reading is what everyone else sees. in any case, if you pick up this book, be prepared for the possibility of an unsatisfying ending.
next up -- brian moore's lies of silence. it seems like i can read a book every two days, so perhaps a new blog post by 8/6. but no guarantees!
Sunday, August 2, 2009
The Third Policeman
So I finished reading The Third Policeman by Flann O'Brien. This is a strange strange little book. But I have to say that there is definitely a panoptic moment near the end of it that might prove useful in future writing. However, the silver lining comes, strangely after book has ended. there's a page where the author is writing to william saroyan telling him that he thinks he could turn the book into a play. In this letter, he basically explains the premise of the story that you don't get if you haven't been reading particularly well. I'll try not to give away the entire story, but O'Brien explains that the story is a metaphor for what he thinks hell must be like for those who have earned a ticket there. It's a place where you have to live the same events over and over again, never learning that you are dead or that you're even in hell. What this letter doesn't make clear, though, is another odd thread that weaves through the book, and honestly, this may have been explained in the front matter to the book that I skipped (as is my generally rule since I don't want to have the story spoiled for me before I even start it). The main character is constantly talking about a philosopher--de Selby--who I assume is a fictional person created to add a farcical element to the story. Throughout the book, there are footnotes that explain particular aspects of de Selby's research, since the main character fancies himself to be a foremost authority on de Selby and has hopes of publishing a book about him and his work. I had thought that eventually there would be some kind of parallel between the critics of de Selby's work who are alluded to in the footnotes and the main characters of the novel, but if there is supposed to be some parallel, I gotta admit that I didn't quite catch it. Interestingly enough, in O'Brien's letter to Saroyan he does say that the story is intended to be funny, and yet he also expresses his uncertainty as to whether or not the comedy actually comes across. I, too, wonder about this so-called comedic element that the story is supposed to have. The back cover of the book that gives the typical snapshot of what the book is about also says that it is supposed to be funny. I just didn't get the humor. I mean yes, the business with the bicycles is funny, but if I were recommending this book to someone, I certainly wouldn't tell them that it's funny. Then again, maybe it's just a kind of dry humor I failed to get.
The good news is that finishing the book gives me another check mark on my exam lists, and check marks are what I am all about these days. The next book up: Felicia's Journey by William Trevor.
Thursday, July 30, 2009
Odds and Ends
well, i had an excellent meeting with my diss chair today. got some questions answered and everything is on track. woo-hoo. what makes me even more happy is to hear that my prospectus only has to be 10-15 pages and also that the structure of my dissertation is at the moment up to me. i love when i get to make my own rules. i also love that my chair knows i'm a perfectionist and tries to keep me from sabotaging myself and also that he's figured out that i always try to do much and tries to convince me to do much less.
so i made this very silly goal last saturday to read 7 books in 7 days. what was i thinking? well, i know what i was thinking. i have a crapload of reading to do and i need to be more serious about doing it. but seriously, a book a day? i should have known that that wasn't feasible. i guess the good thing is that i've read 3 books since saturday--the good soldier, to the lighthouse, and dubliners. i'm about halfway through the heart of the matter and hopefully i can finish that by tomorrow. it's a lot slower than the quiet american and not nearly half as interesting. so it's been hard to get through. seems i'm having that problem with several books because i'm partially through several books right now. i was just thinking that the day that i'm only in the middle of one book...well, that'll be an unusual day to say the least. it'll definitely be something to blog about if that day ever comes.
big fun is only 2 weeks away....this time 2 weeks from now i'll be in seattle and then off to chicago for baseball!! i absolutely can't wait. i haven't been out of pullman (well, i guess i should say eastern washington) since march. it's definitely time for a change of scenery and for me to get my big city fix. i'll have to see if there's a half-price books in seattle and also plan to do some shopping. i so much need some new clothes for teaching this fall.
Thursday, July 23, 2009
The Perks of Being a Wallflower
it seems fitting that i should be here about to blog my thoughts on the perks of being a wallflower while listening to the new our lady peace CD. all i need is a glass of wine. [okay, i have corrected the wine oversight. the blogging can now continue.] so, now that i'm done with this book, i have to admit that it's absolutely fantastic, though i had no idea what heavy issues it deals with. but i think my students will still like it and at least i know there will be a ton of stuff to talk about. and yet one question that really remains unanswered for me...what are the perks of being a wallflower? i'm hoping that my students will have lots of creative and insightful answers to this question. i'm actually finding it hard to blog about the book because i feel like i'm going to give everything away to people who haven't read it and that's hardly fair!
Wednesday, July 22, 2009
It's All OK
here's the thing. i managed to get out of bed and out of my apartment before 10am this morning. i even have a couple of books with me to read, but i'm not even going to pretend to try to read them. i have to take my car in to the service shop at 11am, and with only an hour to work and e-mails and tweets to return and read, i knew the moment i sat down that no reading was going to be taking place. but that's okay.
whatever funk i was in on monday i think i have gotten out of. yesterday didn't yield any work or check marks as far as reading for exams goes, but i did get a lot of good work done on my 101 class for the fall. i've drafted the assignment sheet for the group project/presentation as well as the individual informative reports i'm going to have my students do/write for omnivore's dilemma, and i even know when in the semester the presentations will be happening. it's going to be great, because for almost two weeks my students will be teaching class, not me. and it's timed well because during those two weeks i'll be needing to revise the paper i'm going to read at PAMLA.
and i woke up this morning with renewed determination to get my reading done done done. i have no idea where all this optimism has come from, but maybe at long last i finally had a good night's worth of sleep last night. i didn't wake up all exhausted and stressed. maybe taking a day off from work also helped, though i did read placement exams yesterday morning so it wasn't an all day play day. at any rate, i don't necessarily need to know where all the good vibes have come from, i'll just worry about keeping them and making them work in my favor.
Monday, July 20, 2009
No Title
For the last three and a half minutes, I have been listening to Michael Buble's version of "Try a Little Tenderness", drinking white wine, and alternating my gaze between the stack of books on my bedside table and the blank box waiting for me to fill it with my next blog post. This is all to say that I have no idea where this blog post will be going and if at the end i still have no idea, well, i suppose that will be okay.
i suppose the first thing i want to blog about is that i just finished reading louise penny's "still life". i chose this book for my fall english lit class and i'm so glad that i did because there's a lot about this book to like. it really is well-written and it's well-paced. the characters are engaging and i must say, i'm glad that the one whodunit wasn't the one person who i really didn't want to be the one whodunit--which just means that i was satisfied with the conclusion of the novel. or shall i say...the denouement? (perhaps this is one of the literary terms i can discuss!). i picked up the book because it's the first in a series, so if the students like it and want to read more they can, but also because some of the reviews compared the detective--armand gamache--to hercule poirot, and well i just love poirot. i can see the comparison, especially when they make the distinction of calling gamache a 21st century version of poirot. but i've read a bunch of poirot novels and i gotta say that gamache's character is much more fully developed than poirot's. suffice it to say, i totally will be putting the next book in the series into my amazon wish list, and will plan to read it on the plane trip home at thanksgiving.
however, all of this talk of books (or shall i say 'this book'?) is just a convenient distraction. i haven't been sleeping very well, and the only two things i can really attribute this to are stress and too much caffeine. but i'm not buying too much caffeine as a plausible explanation. i really think it's stress. though, i must say, in comparison to june, i have gotten so much more work done in these 20 days of july than i did in all 30 days of june. just now after a quick count, i've familiarized myself with all or part of 23 of the 54 items on my 2nd exam list. and i still have 10 days left. granted, i may not have all 54 covered by the end of july, but i know i'm going to be in a much better place with this list than i was at the end of june with my 1st list. and well, it's stress, and i'm very used to stress. thrive on it even. is that really what is troubling my sleep? because i do sleep--i can just tell i'm not getting good sleep. even after my second cup of coffee today i was absolutely and utterly exhausted. perhaps i need to start working out, though i have no idea how i'm going to fit that into my schedule, though i have been trying. and well, i've gone three whole days without taking a nap. frankly, i thought it was the naps that was making it difficult to get good sleep, but i'm almost into a routine now. well, at least i am on the going asleep side. i've been getting into bed by 1am rather than the 2.30...3.00...3.30...habit i had fallen into during late june/early july after i was finished teaching. now if i can just consistently get up earlier...but no, i'm still hitting snooze on my alarm until 10am. at any rate...sleep has been an issue, one that i need to solve quickly, especially since school is just around the corner and i'm going to have to teach at 9.10!
so what is the point of this blog post? what is the purpose? i have no idea, though i know that i'm asking this question because i was reading a blog post by someone who said that they excelled at the personal essay and so blogging is just a natural writing outlet for them and i thought to myself, huh, do i excel at the personal essay? have i even ever written a personal essay, much less a good personal essay? i suppose my personal statement for grad school applications counts, but i certainly wouldn't affix the descriptor of "good" to any of those. i'm also asking this question because i know i'm going to ask my 101 students to write a personal narrative for one of their writing assignments. i know i will give them examples of personal narratives but i'm also thinking to myself could i even write a personal narrative? and what do i consider to be a good personal narrative? i dunno. certainly not this blog post.
Monday, July 13, 2009
The Quiet American
I do so love being pleasantly surprised. Though, I shouldn't have been surprised, I suppose, because all of the Graham Greene novels I have read to date have been good. It just so happens that The Quiet American is fantastic. I'm sitting here wondering if it's better or as good as A Room with a View. Would I say that it is also one of my new favorite books? Yes. Can I say which I liked more? Not at this moment, but perhaps as the whole story sinks in over the next few days I'll be able to answer that question at some point.
The good thing is that I have not seen the movie version of this book with Michael Caine, though I can totally imagine him playing the role of Fowler. However, what strikes me most, having finished the book, is how similar Fowler is to Marlow in Heart of Darkness. And yes, I'm quite sure that I'm not saying anything that much smarter and more astute literary critics have not said before me, but it's all new to me so I'll continue. Without completing giving away the ending for those who might stumble by and haven't read the book, Fowler betrays his own ideals just as Marlow betrays his own ideals. Marlow's big thing is that he hates nothing more than a lie, but in the end, he tells a lie. Fowler's big thing--he refuses to become involved. He sees himself as a reporter who has no politics, who does not choose sides, who does not believe in God and who only wants to die even while fearing death at the same time. But in the end, Fowler does become involved, and it is his involvement and the actions it leads him to take that is the point upon which his entire character turns.
The other thing that I'm sure I'm not the first to see is that The Quiet American is most definitely a metaphor for imperialism. Pyle represents the idealistic, innocent, rising American imperial power, while Fowler is the jaded, declining, experienced British imperial power, and Phuong is the emerging "childlike" nation that must be conquered, colonized, ruled, and possessed. Greene's statement upon imperialism is so much different than Conrad's and no doubt that has more than a little do with the fact that Heart of Darkness was written during the height of the British empire and The Quiet American was written during the period of decolonization.
It's definitely a good read and I will definitely recommend it to people. I'm sure I'll even rave about it to my diss chair, who happens to be a Greene fan. Hopefully this time I'll be able to say something more intelligent than "it's just so beautifully written". Actually, I need to tell him that the next time he teaches his 20th century novel and film class that he needs to do The Quiet American.
I am now off to take some aspirin. All this reading is giving me headaches. I can't wait until September when I can hopefully get a new pair of glasses. I think that would help with the headaches.
Sunday, July 5, 2009
Love Fifteen
one - i really really love watching men's tennis. most people like football or basketball and yes i'm a fan of baseball. but seriously, i don't think any other spectator sport makes me nearly so happy as tennis. it's the reason why i get up early to watch matches and stay up late to watch matches. i can't really say that i'm that devoted to watching any other sport. in fact, tennis is probably the only sport i've ever recorded to watch later. hopefully this puts my tennis love in perspective.
two - roger federer is awe-some. he's the man. he's soooo cool. truly, i don't have enough superlatives to describe the incredibleness that is roger federer.
three - waking up to watch wimbledon at 6am now that i live on the west coast is hard. i didn't get up for the french open and i kicked myself b/c it would have been really really nice to watch andre hand federer the trophy. i wasn't going to get up this morning either because well, it's 6am and everyone knows how much i hate getting up early. but boy howdy how happy am i that i got my ass out of bed?! and to see pete back at wimbledon was amazing! and i can't believe he only held the record for most grand slams for 7 years. wow. i remember watching him break that record and go up in the stands and find his dad. now i'll have this memory too. what i really think is that this makes me old.
four - andy roddick. wow. you know, for the first time ever i have to say i was impressed with andy roddick. usually, i'm not a fan. actually, i can say i'm more of a fan of rafa nadal than i am of roddick. i don't know why. but today (at last?) i finally felt for the guy. everyone in the tennis world knows that federer owns him. no one was expecting a five-set thrill fest. even my brother told me that if i had to choose a final to wake up at 6am for, it should have been the williams' sisters ladies' final yesterday and not the men's final today. everyone thought fed's 15th would be a cake walk. but good for andy roddick for showing up to play and not throwing one of his temper tantrums on the court or going completely away after losing the second set (or the third even). the next time he's in a grand slam final maybe i'll actually find myself rooting for him.
five - johnny mac didn't have the word he wanted to aptly describe fed's 5 set win, 16-14 in the fifth set - but the word he wanted was EPIC - and if that one won't suffice, how about LEGENDARY - b/c seriously, the last three wimbledon men's finals have been exactly that--EPIC and LEGENDARY and all thanks to fed. being 2/3 in such matches is something i'm sure fed will take. i hope he feels epic. that would be grand.
all in all i gotta say that the nike commercial featuring tiger and jordan and serena and mcenroe was pretty cool and i gotta say that i love the "love fifteen" that was at the end of the commercial congratulating fed. that was pretty outstanding and quite the creative genius by the advertising team. alas, i must say i wonder how long fed will hold this record, b/c nadal will be nipping his heels for the next few years esp. if fed really does plan to play through at least 2012 when the olympics are in london. and that andy murray guy has got game. it's really only a matter of time before he wins wimbledon. so it won't be easy to keep racking up the slams. i will be staying glued to the set to see if he can make it 16 at the us open (and i won't, once again, rant about ESPN having the open now over USA--i've already covered that ground and my opinion of it!). congrats fed - and i'm so happy you're holding the pretty championship trophy once again!
Thursday, June 25, 2009
I Can't Tell You Why
no, i can't really tell you why i haven't gotten much of anything done today. i woke up all gung-ho to get my portfolios graded, but i haven't graded a single one though i did go to the office and make copies of my grading rubric and i did update the rubric for the reflection letter and i did bring home 10 portfolios with the idea that i could grade 5 today and 5 tomorrow.
i also really can't tell you why i am having so much trouble making final decisions on the books i want to include in my reading now class. though i can say that i'm working on it and i do think i'm getting closer to having made up my mind completely. i guess i'm worried about choosing too many books. yeah, i think that's it. because with the books i'm considering still, it's looking like there will be 4 books by male authors, possibly 4 books by female authors, and one graphic novel. see. here's the thing. the graphic novel is short. what i mean is, we could read that in a week. two of the other books are short story collections. again, i could do each of those books in a week. which leaves me 6 books for the remaining 10 weeks of class. is that doable? are those crazy insane expectations? i dunno. i'm still mulling it over. i'm also trying to pay close attention to the number of pages each book i have under consideration has. and so far, only three books are over 300 pages--one of those being the selection from last year's 110 class which will automatically be included in the class. i guess i'll figure it out, right? i mean, eventually i'll figure it out because there's no other choice.
i really can't tell you why i have cable. because there's nothing on TV. i like to turn the TV on when i'm eating, so that i can have something to distract me. but seriously, now that the stanley cup playoffs are over, the only thing that really draws my interest is baseball, and not even that gets my attention and keeps it all of the time. i haven't even watched any of the matches at wimbledon this week. even as i sit here blogging, the NBA draft is on, and i'm not even watching it and (as is typical for me) the sound is turned down while i listen to the matt nathanson CD on my computer.
i can't tell you why there are no good bookstores here, either, but i can tell you how much it irritates me that when it comes to buying books, there's no instant gratification in this small college town. i just spent MORE money at amazon to get a couple of books that i want and i had to tell the so-called barnes & noble store in town to order in two other books for me. and so now, once again, i'll be playing the waiting game.
"...nothing's wrong as far as i can see, we make it harder than it has to be, but i can't tell you why..."
Tuesday, June 23, 2009
These Are My Confessions
Well, my reading confessions at least.
Yes, it is true. I have spent several precious reading hours reading Harry Potter instead of all that "high" literature on my exam lists. But really, what is a girl to do to escape boredom? One must find entertainment during the summer where one can, especially since there's no good TV on and I live out in the middle of nowhere where there's not even a Target store for me to kill a restless hour here and there. What makes this confession even more juicy? Yes, I will be starting the fifth Harry Potter book in a few days, once I have had time to fully digest everything that happened in the (what is really well-described as "pivotal") fourth book. Ah...Harry. Where will your magical exploits lead you next? And will there ever be a Defense Against the Dark Arts professor that sticks around for more than a year? Inquiring minds need to know!
But still, even though I have had my head in a Harry Potter book for the last three days, I have also managed to check some stuff off my exam lists. Here's my list of accomplishments since my last post:
A Room with a View - E. M. Forster
Endgame - Samuel Beckett
Introduction to A Shrinking Island - Jed Esty
Introduction to Victorian and Modern Poetics - Carol T. Christ
Introduction to Fictions of Loss in the Victorian Fin de Siecle - Stephen Arata
"Ulysses, Myth, and Order" - T.S. Eliot
See? I haven't been a total slacker, have I? The Introductions are my way of having a feel for what the secondary/critical works are about and arguing that are on my exam lists as well as helping me gauge which ones I need to read more of. For example, the Jed Esty book will be really helpful as I start to write my dissertation, I think, and I will plan to read more of that book as time permits over the summer. The Christ book will be good for giving a good overview of the aesthetics of Modernist poets, specifically Yeats and Eliot and Pound. The Arata book...well, I'm not quite sure how I'll use that one. It is about degeneration and he looks at several writers that I'm interested in and at books that are on my looks--Dracula, Jekyll & Hyde, She, some works by Rudyard Kipling, etc.
AND Forster's A Room with a View is one of my new favorite books. I absolutely loved that book. The problem is that my advisor asked me today why I liked it so much and I couldn't really give a coherent answer, so I'll have to work on that.
Lastly, while I have decided I am a Forster fan, I have also decided that I'm not a Beckett fan. What was with him anyway? I don't think he would have written such crazy rubbish if he'd lived in Ireland instead of Paris.
Saturday, June 20, 2009
Saturday's All Right for....
getting $2 tank tops at Old Navy and shell pasta for dinner and my good friend JM helping me out in the twitterverse!
hopefully, it's also all right for finishing e.m. forster's a room with a view. i only have 55 pages left!
here's the other reading i have accomplished since my last post:
"A Retrospect" by Ezra Pound
"Vorticist Manifesto" by Wyndham Lewis
"London Models" by Oscar Wilde
"The Truth of Masks" by Oscar Wilde
i must say, i'm so happy that my exams are in the fall as opposed to the spring. why? well, many reasons but if they were in the spring i would feel deprived of my tv watching time. since it's summer, i don't have this problem, because i have way too many channels and there's nothing good on! which leaves me with no choice but to read so i suppose everything is working out exactly as it's supposed to.
i am totally liking a room with a view. i thought at first i wouldn't because it reminds me so much of henry james' a portrait of a lady, but now that i'm almost done i can see that though they do have similarities they are not carbon copies of each other. i am also discovering that i really do like the work of e.m. forster. i had read several of his short stories for my 548 class. i thought a passage to india was just okay, but the short stories and now room have definitely made me realize how much i enjoy his fiction. i think a passage might just be really different also because it was written almost a decade after a room as well as most of the short stories.
more in a couple of days when i have more reading progress to report!
Wednesday, June 17, 2009
Reading...Some Progress Has Been Made
well, since my last post, I have actually done a very tiny amount of reading. I have read all of the following as of this moment:
"Modern Fiction" - Virginia Woolf
"Mr. Bennett & Mrs. Brown" - Virginia Woolf
"Romanticism and Classicism" - T. E. Hulme
The Playboy of the Western World - J. M. Synge
And I have started to read Molloy by Samuel Beckett but i only got about 50 pages into it last night because stream of consciousness novels just kill me. it took me about 10 pages to get into the rhythm of it but i'm having a hard time picking it back up. so, i think i'm going to put it on hold and read something else, because well, there are three stacks of books on my fireplace hearth right now, all crying out for my attention. and, i feel like i need to make the most out of this desire i have to get some reading done while it's still burning hot. so i'm off to read read read and will report back later with what i hope will be more progress.
Saturday, June 6, 2009
Reading T.S. Eliot
believe it or not, i've actually gotten myself into the office on a saturday morning to get some work done on my reading lists. i apologize in advance for the lengthiness of this blog post, but there's a lot to say. first up--some of T.S. Eliot's discursive prose:
"Tradition and the Individual Talent" (1919)
Quite an illuminating essay. I have read parts of it before, but it was good to revisit it and read the whole thing in its entirety because surprisingly, it makes more sense that way! what Eliot is arguing in favor of in this essay, for one, is that in order to be a great poet, one must have a historical sense of the past, and be aware not only of the past and its "pastness" but also of the presence of the past in the present. he argues that there is an ideal order of art, and that when a new piece of art is created, that existing ideal order must adjust to absorb that new work of art. and he argues that a work cannot be called "art" if it is not new. at the same time though, he insists that all art is in some way bound up within the tradition of the past, what came before is irrevocably present in what is created today. he also makes an analogy that i'm sure is pretty noteworthy--that of a catalyst, where platinum is added to oxygen and sulphur dioxide. for eliot, the platinum is analogous to the mind of the poet--without the platinum, the sulfurous acid could not be created, but at the same time, the platinum remains inert and unconsumed. also for eliot, the mind of the poet acts as a receptacle. and, eliot is very much of the opinion that it is the poem itself that should be the sole focus of critical attention. the emotions or feelings or opinions of the poet should never play into the valuation or criticism of the poem--i think part of this opinion rests in his belief that in order to create the poem, the poet does not rely on his own emotions and feelings. rather, because his mind is a receptacle, the poet collects a series of impressions, emotions, thoughts, feelings that may not all be entirely his own, and when that receptacle is full and the right amount of pressure has been added, that's when the poem comes into being. and so, the poem is independent of the poet, and hence should not be judged by the idiosyncrasies of the poet but on the terms of the poem itself.
"Hamlet" (1919)
this is an interesting little essay, not least because it is a piece of criticism on my all-time favorite shakespearean play and additionally because eliot views it not as shakespeare's masterpiece, but instead an artistic failure. i think he views it as such because while people find the play interesting and as a result see it as a work of art, he believes it is interesting because it is a work of art. he says that hamlet is the "mona lisa" of literature. can you believe it? eliot begins his essay by stating that hamlet the play is the primary problem, and that hamlet itself is the secondary problem, and that critics have often, through the ages, gotten these problems in the incorrect order, focusing on the character when they should be focusing upon the play as a whole. eliot considers hamlet to be written during a period of crisis that culminated in Coriolanus and Antony & Cleopatra, which eliot believes are shakespeare's master works. one thing that eliot does throughout the essay is read the play alongside Thomas Kyd's The Spanish Tragedy. For me, this makes sense, esp. after having read Tradition/Talent--it makes sense that he would see Kyd's play as being a part of that existing ideal order, and that Hamlet, as being a new work of art, must be judged against the historical tradition of tragedy, esp. against the play that it reworked. eliot ultimately finds the play lacking in artistic merit, saying that the essential emotion of the play is a son's reaction to a guilty mother, and because it is that essential emotion that rules hamlet, rather than revenge, the play can never resolve itself, and that in hamlet, shakespeare attempted a project that was too big for him to successfully complete or manage.
"The Metaphysical Poets" (1921)
all right. at first, this essay seemed like it was going to be one big snooze-fest and i was asking myself why it was on my list but then 3/4 of the way through it all finally clicked. there a few key points i'll take from this essay. one is eliot's differentiating between the intellectual poet and the reflective poet. he also says that the poets of the 17th c. possessed a mechanism for sensibility, but that the poets of the latter part of the 17th c. dissociated from this sensibility and english poetry has never recovered from that dissociation. two, eliot asks the question: what would have been the fate of the "metaphysical" had the current of poetry descended in a direct line from them, as it descended in a direct line to them? in other words, it seems to me that one of the things that eliot is concerned with in this essay is tracing the history of poetry from Milton and Dryden, who he holds out as exemplars, the disruption of their line by the metaphysical poets, to his current poetical moment. he seems to view the metaphysical poets as a kind of aberration and that their movement in some way broke the poetical line of descent they had inherited from Milton and Dryden and consequently, that break forever altered the course of english poetry. three, the thing that interests me most in this essay is eliot's assertion that a poet does not have to be interested in philosophy by necessity, or in any other subject. however, the poet of his day must be difficult, and the reason for this is that civilization at the time was various and complex, and so the poet must produce various and complex poetry. "the poet must become more and more comprehensive, more allusive, more indirect, in order to force, to dislocate if necessary, language into his meaning." this made me wonder what year the waste land was written (i can so rarely keep those kinds of dates in my head!) and it makes me wonder if this is the very reason why the waste land is so "difficult".
Friday, June 5, 2009
Wasting a Little Time
well, i'm just sitting here in the coffee shop wasting a little time before i have to leave to catch the bus to campus, so i thought i'd blog a little. just finished grading some papers, which wasn't very good for my outlook on my own teaching this summer but at the same time, i had a great chat with the AD of composition yesterday and she helped me to gain some perspective. so at least i'm not all worked up and upset like i was earlier in the week. i guess this is a good thing and will work on accepting those things i cannot change (read: student attitudes). i have learned some great lessons from teaching this summer that i can take with me into the fall, and for that i'm thankful.
the goal for today is to catch up on all the personal things i need to do that i have been putting off all week. pay some bills, balance the checkbook, run some errands, etc. then perhaps a head start on my grading so that i can get some work done on my reading promises as well as some writing over the weekend (luckily, at the moment, i don't have word debt! i'm actually in the black. what a sweet bonus). i should also call my mother. i can't remember the last time i talked to her. i'm surprised she hasn't called me actually. so i'll make my weekly check-in and see what's happening in the hot town of wallis.
i'm realizing that i'm hungry, with no plans for how i'm going to eat before class. that was an error in judgment.
Wednesday, June 3, 2009
Interested in Hearing About My Day?
if you're still reading, then i guess the answer to this question is yes. so, my day today. truly, it's the first day in a long string of days that i've felt....calm, not crazy, normal, not anxious or angst-ridden or in a hurry and unable to tell which way was up. i wrote this morning. i finished my mocha (read: automatically that translates into a saner me). then i went and paid a bill and picked up a couple of books i'd ordered from the bookstore (read: i think i paid more for them in the bookstore than i would have if i'd ordered them online). i went to teach. i came home. i waited for UPS. and then i starting reading one of my new books, just out of the UPS driver's hands. the perks of being a wallflower by stephen chbosky (more on the experience that reading this book is later). and after two and a half hours, having gotten to the point where i could no longer ignore my growling stomach, i was forced to put my book down and get up to make dinner. pasta. which i have been craving for about a week now. and while dinner was cooking i even did some dishes. i know this all sounds so banal and boring, but truly, in my book of days that have so far made up 2009, this one has been a treat. and as i'm sitting here waiting for the pasta to come out of the oven (because you can't get the full effect unless the cheese is all nice and bubbly!), i'm sitting here asking what exactly has made this day so wonderful, and how can i duplicate it over and over and over again? that, my friends, is indeed the million dollar question.
i must admit, i think it has something to do with the book that i'm reading. it's stylish and real and beautiful. beautiful in many of the same ways that i've always thought that the great gatsby is beautiful. it's written in epistolary form, and i'm serious when i say that i really do feel like i'm the "dear friend" that is being addressed in these letters. and i can almost painfully imagine the moments that the writer is describing, almost like i'm sitting in the room right next to him watching it all unfold. i'm almost halfway through and i have no idea how it will end. i have yet to discover what the perks of being a wallflower are. but i do know that i'm along for the ride.
though i don't want to say this, i think it's true. this is the first thing i've read lately that's really touched me on an emotional level. it's the first thing that's made me want to keep reading. i have no idea what this means for my future hopes of being a twentieth century lit scholar, other than i think i will find myself wanting to read and write on more contemporary stuff in the future, after the diss is done and i have some kind of job.
Tuesday, June 2, 2009
Another Tuesday Rant
i seem to recall not that long ago ranting on a tuesday. what is it with me and tuesdays?
this is not part of my rant, but i must say, how happy am i with robin soderling right now?
but now back to my rant. wow. i just got out of the most failed 101 class that i think i've ever taught. and granted, my experience is not wide and large, but what there is of it, this class so far ranks right up there at the top. see, it seems to me that students would rather use class time to write their essays rather than writing them at home. apparently, most of my students this summer don't want that at all. of course, my initial thought is that most of them don't want to write period, so really, i'm fighting a losing battle either way. but i can't and won't entertain them every single class period. and seriously, their essays are terrible. there is an occasional bright spot. and i keep thinking that it has to be me. somehow i'm doing something completely wrong. the only thing i feel like i'm doing differently this time than i've done in the past is give them different source texts to read and write about. otherwise, my MO has been pretty much the same. but with this class, it just isn't working and i'm just not getting through and i don't know how to right the ship. i don't want to have to pick up something every single class period just to get them to take what i ask them to do in class seriously and assign a point total to it but i guess that that's exactly what i'm going to have to do. i find myself doing it more and more each time i teach and i've done it a lot in this class. the thing is that i don't want to have to pick up all that paper and i don't want to read it--but then if i don't read it they'll know that i'm not reading it and still not take it seriously. and seriously, if i thought i was talking about a small percentage of my students it would be one thing but it feels like this time there's a much larger percentage of students who would rather just not work. all of this is to say that i had planned to have them do some pre-writing in class all next week leading up to their research papers being due next friday but now i have no idea what i'll have them do so back to the drawing board. it's just strange and incomprehensible to me because when i did the pre-writing in previously classes it always turned out well but this time it just didn't. in general, i'm just not really happy. i mean, i didn't even finish my mocha this morning so you know there's something wrong. i knew yesterday morning when i woke up that it was going to be one of those weeks and well...so far...i was totally right.
Sunday, May 31, 2009
110 & Other Musings
so, i have a list of books from which to make final selections for 110 in the fall. here it is:
1 - The Road - Cormac McCarthy
2 - The Perks of Being a Wallflower - Stephen Chbosky
3 - Then We Came to the End - Joshua Ferris
4 - Round Ireland with a Fridge - Tony Hawks
5 - A Place So Foreign and Eight More - Cory Doctorow
6 - The Visibles - Sara Shepard
7 - The Likeness - Tana French
8 - Eat Pray Love - Elizabeth Gilbert
9 - Interpreter of Maladies - Jhumpa Lahiri
10 - Bright Lights, Big Ass - Jen Lancaster
11 - My Sister's Keeper - Jodi Picoult*
*My Sister's Keeper will definitely be among the final selections, it's the choice from last year's 110 class.
Plus I just got the Best American Essays 2008 so I will choose some essays from there to add more non-fiction to the list of texts. The only thing I feel like I'm really being remiss about not adding is a graphic novel. I'll have to think on that. But I have gotten non-fiction, sci-fi, suspense, short stories, and general fiction on the list, and a couple of pulitzer prize winners to satisfy anyone who feels like we should read "serious literature". some of the narrative non-fiction also doubles as travel narrative too so that's so sweet. and only the road and my sister's keeper have been made into movies, so i can live with that. i didn't want to have a lot of books that had also been adapted to the silver screen. my one other immediate concern is whether or not a bunch of 18-22 year olds will have read eat pray love. i know a lot of people my age who have read it, but i'm not sure that your typical college student would have picked it up. well, i have the books on order or have them on my table just waiting for me to pick them up and read them, so i'm hoping to have my mind made up by june 30th - that's my deadline!
currently sitting in my office right now, blogging instead of working. i should be grading, or planning for my 101 this week, or reading for my exams. i've basically told myself i have to stay here until 5pm and then i can go home but i'm really hoping that i can actually get something done in these 3.5 hours...other than blogging! guess i'll have to wait and see and report back later....
Sunday, May 24, 2009
This Week's Reading Promises
OK. So I wasn't so good at keeping my reading promises for this last week. I have two short stories by Katherine Mansfield left to read and have not finished Howards End or read Molloy. But, I did manage to read 8 short stories by Mansfield and I also read Samuel Beckett's "Waiting for Godot" and Tom Stoppard's "Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are Dead", both of which are on my lists so perhaps I'll just look at this week as a wash? Yes, I think I will. It's a much more positive POV!
Anyway, this week's promises are as follows (I am putting it in schedule form for me, so that I'll be able to judge my progress all week):
Sunday - The Playboy of the Western World - J.M. Synge
Monday - "At the Bay" & "Prelude" - Katherine Mansfield
Tuesday - "Mr. Bennett & Mrs. Brown" (re-read) & "Modern Fiction" - Virginia Woolf
Wednesday - "Tradition and Individual Talent" & "Hamlet" & "The Metaphysical Poets" - T. S. Eliot
Thursday - Endgame - Samuel Beckett
the bonus selection (i.e., wouldn't it be great to get all of the above read plus this too?!) - E.M. Forster's A Room with a View - in other words, it's not really a part of my promises but well, I'd love to be able to check it off the list this week.
So all that's left to say is ready...set...go!
Saturday, May 23, 2009
Waiting for Godot
Well, like Estragon (what a name!) and Vladimir, I am still waiting for Godot to make his appearance. I'm at the end of the first act, and am having a couple of hershey's kisses as my reward. So far, I know that Estragon's boots and Vladimir's hat have some significance, and I also am picking up on the constant refrain of "nothing matters" and its nihilistic point of view. There's an interesting comment upon memory, too. And of course there's the ominous tree and the question of whether or not one or both of them will hang themselves. The cover of my book says that the play is a tragicomedy in two acts. I'm no genius, but I'm thinking maybe that tree has something to do with the tragedy part of that description. Will update after reading Act 2.
UPDATE: I don't know why but these are my favorite lines in the play..... Let's go_We can't_Why not?_We're waiting for Godot_Ah!
Another thing that's interesting about this play is it's treatment and commentary of time. ...
Okay, so I'm now done with the play. I'm not sure what I think about it. It's both interesting and strange. It's one of those things where I think I get it, but I'm not sure that I got it all. Does the tragedy lie in waiting for something that never comes? Or in believing that something will come but in reality nothing ever comes? Or, is the meaningless repetition of each day, not seeing any real differences between one day to the next and having those differences that do exist mean nothing, the tragedy? If these questions make no sense, then I've totally gotten into the mood of the play, which is thought provoking but in some ways makes no sense! I am left with many questions at the end and not a whole lot of answers. Ah!
One last note: there's an excerpt from The London Times on the back of the book: "...one of the most noble and moving plays of our generation, a threnody of hope deceived and deferred but never extinguished; a play suffused with tenderness for the whole human perplexity; with phrases that come like a sharp stab of beauty and pain" - HMM.......
And yes, I had to look up threnody too.
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
More Mansfield Short Stories
So, there is light at the end of the tunnel. I only have two short stories by Katherine Mansfield left to read and I will have an item checked off my to-do list. Of course, I've saved the longest stories for last. Hopefully I can get through those tomorrow.
But tonight I read "The Garden Party" and "The Stranger" and "The Daughters of the Late Colonel". I have to say, I liked all three of these stories. "The Garden Party" is about a party that a wealthy family is giving, and upon hearing about the death of one of the work-men, Laura, one of the daughters, insists that they cancel the party. Her mother and her sister disagree and the party goes on, and Laura comments upon how this party has been the most wonderful party they've ever given. The message seems to be that life must go on even in the face of death, and that our awareness of death, and death as a reminder, is supposed to help us enjoy those things in life that are most important. At least, I think that's what the message is supposed to be. "The Daughters of the Late Colonel" is pretty self-explanatory from the title. One thing I liked about this story was the continual reference to time (I don't know why, but that always strikes me) and Mansfield has a wonderful gift for making ordinary things seem so extraordinary. Anyway, the daughters of the late colonel are now free from their father's tyranny after he dies after a long illness. They could never please him while he was alive, and now that he is gone, at the end of the story they think about what their lives could be like. They could possibly meet men and get married and have lives of their own, but in the end it seems they are too afraid to actually consider living any other kind of life, and that's really sad because not only did their father treat them terribly while he was alive, they seem to have no chance of recovering what they have lost even after he is dead. And lastly, I read "The Stranger". I think so far, along with "The Doll's House", this is one of my favorite stories. It's about Mr. Hammond, who has been waiting anxiously for his wife to return from a long journey overseas. When she finally returns, he can't wait to be alone with her. But his wife recounts the death of a stranger and after doing so, Mr. Hammond feels like this stranger will always be between them. I know why I liked this story so much and why it's also frustrating for me on one level. A recurring theme in Mansfield's short stories (or at least why I have come to view as a recurring theme) is that no one gets their happily ever after. Usually it's the women who have to suffer lives of quiet desperation and unhappiness and for the most part I understand why she wrote stories with this particular theme. But seriously, most of us just want someone to love us unconditionally, to want to be with us to the exclusion of everything else, and Mr. Hammond just wants a quiet few days alone with his wife to be happy, and he doesn't get them, and it's sad to me.
Word Debt
One of my goals for May was to finish a writing project I've been working on for about ever. The goal was to write 1667 words per day starting on May 15th. It's May 19th, and I'm already in word debt. How many words you ask? Well, as of yesterday....1936...and I have yet to write anything today. Seriously, I had no idea just how much time teaching 101 would take out of my schedule during the first session. I really did think I'd have plenty of time to write, read, and teach. But oddly I've really only had time to do the latter. So, here I am in word debt.
UPDATE: It's Saturday and I'm not in as much word debt as I was when I woke up this morning (7100 words, give or take). Wrote almost 4800 words and I'm super excited. I might be able to finish this little project by my May 31st deadline after all! Keep your fingers crossed!
Monday, May 18, 2009
Katherine Mansfield - "The Doll's House" & "Pictures" & "Bliss"
OK - I just finished Katherine Mansfield's "The Doll's House" (1921) and I liked it and it is definitely going on my list. It's an incredibly interesting little story about three little girls who get a doll's house from a woman who has stayed with their family for a while. The little girls manage to invite all of the other little girls to their house to see the doll's house, except for the Kelvey girls, who are outcasts in this little community because their mother is a washerwoman and their father is believed to be in jail. There is an incredible emphasis on the gaze and looking and seeing and watching, but it is also intertwined with silence, too, specifically the silence of the Kelvey girls as they listen (aural surveillance) to everything that's said around them but don't talk to the girls because the girls have been forbidden by their families to talk to Lil and Else Kelvey.
And also just finished "Pictures" (1919) which is about Miss Ada Moss who is a contralto singer who can't find work, so she tries to get a casting call as an actress instead, but that also doesn't pan out. If she can't find work before 8pm the following night, her landlady is going to kick her out because she can't pay the rent. So finally after finding no job she ends up at Cafe de Madrid, where she sits down at a table and ends up having a drink with a man who joins her. It's left unsaid at the end of the story whether, when she goes off with the man, if she is going with the intent to sell herself or if she thinks he's actually capable of helping her find a job. Can't say that these endings to Mansfield's stories are very good.
Lastly, I've finished "Bliss" (1918) which is also a strange little story. It's about Bertha who has a little daughter that she adores and apparently a husband that she adores as well, but who she's never really desired sexually. The 'bliss' that she's feeling is posed as being a sexual awakening, and she thinks that for the first time she actually wants her husband, but of course there's this other character-Miss Fulton--who complicates this sexual awakening and makes the reader wonder if this is really a desire for her husband or a desire for Miss Fulton. The twist comes at the end (spoiler alert!) when Bertha overhears Miss Fulton and her husband making plans for a rendezvous, which is perhaps surprising because the entire evening (there's been a dinner party at Bertha's house), her husband has seemed to dislike Miss Fulton, which we now know at the end of the story to be a facade. So Bertha's sexual awakening is thwarted. This story is interesting to me, but I'm not sure if I'll keep it on my list.
Definitely of the three stories I've read tonight, "The Doll's House" is my favorite.
Reading This Week & 110 Titles to Consider
First of all the fun stuff. I'll be teaching Reading Now in the fall and I am totally stoked. I'm already compiling a list of potential books and short story collections. The hardest part will be choosing! Here's what I have so far:
The Poe Shadow_Matthew Pearl; The Road_Cormac McCarthy; Interpreter of Maladies_Jhumpa Lahiri; My Sister's Keeper_Jodi Picoult; The Omnivore's Dilemma_Michael Pollan; You Suck_Christopher Moore; Then We Came to the End_Joshua Ferris; Admission_Jean Hanff Korelitz; Apologize, Apologize!_Elizabeth Kelly; Round Ireland with a Fridge_Tony Hawks; Bright Lights, Big Ass_Jen Lancaster; A Place So Foreign and Eight More_Cory Doctorow; and Pride and Prejudice and Zombies_Seth Grahame-Smith (thanks to JM for those last two inspired ideas).
Now I have promised that I will finish reading Howards End, and that I will also read Beckett's Molloy and the rest of the Katherine Mansfield short stories (The Doll's House, The Garden Party, At the Bay, The Stranger, Pictures, Bliss, Prelude, and The Daughters of the Late Colonel) I have assigned myself as well as make final selections of poetry for my first list. Yep. Those are my promises. Hope I can keep them!
And to that end, I'm off to read...
Saturday, May 16, 2009
spend the money already!
Seriously. Sometimes I just want to shout out "you're a graduate-student-wanna-be-professor! spend the money and buy the book already. you will probably want to use it to teach with yourself! hello!!!???"
OK. Seems I've shouted that out. I think I feel better now.
Tuesday, May 12, 2009
The Summer of Reading Has Begun!
Well, my summer of reading has at last begun. Granted, I've only read two short stories by Katherine Mansfield, but I've read them, and they're on my list of things to read, so progress has been made.
First of all, I read "The Wind Blows". It's very modern (read: I'll need to read it again to truly understand what happens!) but it's not horrible. The problem here is that I can't exactly say what it's about. It seems to be about a woman who is remembering going to piano lessons to escape a mother that she hates, but she is remembering as she is on a boat with her brother, looking on another brother and sister walking along the same path that she once walked along with her brother. The best part of the story is the atmosphere. The wind and the sea are constant forces, almost like characters. I think that's the part that I liked the most. I have to narrow down exactly which short stories will make it to my final list and this is a contender for the moment.
The other story I read is called "The Fly". It's a little bit crazy. It's about an old man going to visit his boss, and the old man remarks that his daughters went to Belgium and saw the grave of his son, as well as his boss' son, who had died in the war. The boss practically comes apart thinking about this, since it was his only son, and he'd built his business for his son to inherit, and now that he's gone he feels like all that work has been for nothing. Well, as he's mourning, he spies a fly that has fallen into an inkwell. He dips his pen into the ink and puts the fly onto the blotting paper. The fly bounces back and seems to survive, but the boss drops another drop of ink on the fly, waiting to see if he'll bounce back again. It does, but slower this time. It's clear that the boss admires the fly's struggle to survive, but he still drops a third drop on the fly. The fly recovers once more, but it takes longer, and it doesn't seem to be a full recovery. He finally drops one more drop of ink on the fly, and this kills it. Of course, this fly is a metaphor for the soldiers who lost their lives in battle. They could only recover from so many wounds before succumbing at last to death, especially when the party inflicting the wounds has no mercy. It's characterized as a fascination with seeing just how much they can take before they can no longer fight for life, like it's just a big game. After the fly dies, the boss tries to remember what he'd been thinking about before he began playing with the fly, but he can't of course. This story was more intelligible, but somehow it just didn't feel like it was as beautifully written as "The Wind Blows." Not a strong contender for the final list.
Wednesday, May 6, 2009
What Should I Do Now?
So I turned in my seminar paper this afternoon with about 40 minutes to spare. It took forever to print out, and then once that was done, and it was stapled and I was all ready to drive to campus to hand it off to my professor, I happened to notice that the title was still [add lame title here] - my special placeholder for when I have no idea what my paper is going to be called. So of course I sat there for a minute, my brain completely exhausted, trying to come up with a title. Know what I finally settled on? "Space and Time in E. M. Forster's 'The Other Side of the Hedge'". Yes, I know. Super original, right? Well, what did you expect? I was operating on only 5 hours of sleep. And while when I was undergrad I totally prided myself on being able to function on at least 5 hours of sleep, I can no longer say this is true in my old age. Brain function is definitely impaired after about 10 hours or so. Anyway, it was my final seminar paper and I'm glad it's done. It wasn't perfect, nor was it everything that I wanted it to be, but I don't think I'm embarrassed to turn it in. It wasn't my best work but I also think it was far from being my worst paper ever.
And after turning it in, I bought myself a pizza and then took a three hour nap. Then I watched this past Monday's episode of House. OMG! I'm so obsessed with House. Yes. Still obsessed. Cannot wait for next week's episode. Though I'm sad that it will be the season finale. What will I do without new episodes for a whole summer?
Oddly, now I have no idea what to do with myself. I'm pretty firm in my resolution to not do anything school related tonight. That can totally wait until tomorrow when I finally get started on my reading list. But I find myself wanting to read, but I just don't have any desire to read. Strange, I know. I just feel like I've been reading for the last 72 hours and would like to not right now.
Tuesday, May 5, 2009
A Bit of Synchronicity
I just looked up at the clock on my desk. It's 5.55 on 5/5. Cool!
What is totally uncool is that I am still writing my space and place paper. The good news--I have about 14 bad pages. Bad pages can turn into good pages, right?
Sunday, May 3, 2009
Space and Place Daze
Here I am. Sitting in the library working on my space and place paper. The very last seminar paper I'll ever have to write. To be truthful, I've gotten some good work done today. I currently have 4 1/4 handwritten pages (yes, I'm still archaic and write all my papers by hand before typing them into Word! Don't hate a system that works!) and that is an improvement over the 0 pages I had written when I woke up this morning. Granted, these pages are really rough, and I'm about to have a very harsh transition to the next part of the paper, but still, I'm at least finally writing and going somewhere, which is better than the nowhere that I was occupying yesterday.
SIDEBAR: It's amazing how hot my new travel mug keeps my coffee! Where has this cup been all my life?
I have everything I need for tomorrow's big dinner with the girls. Can't give away the full menu or too many details (since some of you are readers of this blog!) but suffice it to say, it will be fabulous and I cannot wait. I might starve myself all day just so that I can eat, eat, eat tomorrow night. Though I have no idea what I was thinking when I chose this date weeks ago. There is a definite conflict as there will be a brand new episode of House on (in which House and Cuddy will finally get together and stop teasing us), but alas, that's why Steve Jobs created iTunes and TV downloads, right? It's probably a good thing. I'll download the episode on Tuesday and that'll be my reward for finishing my paper.
And by the way, once I get done with this paper, I'm totally catching up on Lost. Since I seem to live my life by the carrot and stick approach, Lost will be my reward for keeping up with all the reading I have to do this summer. On next week's list of books to read: Howards End (which I have already started, yeah!), A Room with a View (also by Forster) and several short stories by Katherine Mansfield. Yeah, I've basically figured out that to just be done with the fiction on my first list by the end of June, I need to read three books a week. Yeah. Perhaps now my meaning is crystal clear when I say I'll be reading all summer long.
But now I'm distracted. Time to get back to work.
Friday, May 1, 2009
Insomnia
I have been trying to fall asleep for the last two hours to no avail. So now I am trying a tried and true remedy for insomnia that I hope won't fail me. A cup of tea with a few drops of valerian root. I figured that while I drink my tea I might as well blog, because perhaps what's keeping me awake is that there are about a million things racing through my mind.
Like the fact that I have to prepare teach in the first summer session which is only 10 days away! I've decided to do something different with the "theme" of the class this time around. I'm going to have my students read about space and place and the readings will be more challenging than what I've used in the past but I'm hoping that will be a good thing. Plus, I have chosen only four main readings for the summer session and am planning to have them do more assignments with each particular reading rather than having them work with a particular source only once before moving on to the next source. I hope the students will like it. I'm focusing on home, mobility (where the world is home), the city, and the wilderness. We'll see what happens.
SIDEBAR: My tea is still too hot to drink!
Speaking of space and place, I have to start working on my seminar paper tomorrow. It's due next Wednesday and I would absolutely love to have a complete draft by the time I go to bed on Monday night which means I have to be serious about writing over the weekend. The good thing is that I have done all the reading and research I need to do (or rather, that I'm planning to do) so I'm really at the point where I'm ready to write. I just need to sit down and write.
I turned in my seminar paper for my Victorian class this morning. Whew. So glad that that's done and out of the way. I wrote about the role of violence in The Jungle Books by Rudyard Kipling. I can't really articulate just how happy I am to be done with that paper because it represents the very last paper that I have to write on a particular topic to fit into the theme of a class. My space/place paper is much more interesting to me because it's on literature that I might be able to use in my dissertation and it's using space/place theory which I will also use in my diss so it's a win-win all around. I think that's why I'm just so ready to start working on it and seeing how it turns out. I also think that if it turns out well, this will be the paper that I continue to work on and revise over the summer and then try to submit it for publication near the end of the year.
I continue to edit the drafts of my exam lists. I think I've made good head way on my historical time period list. I've whittled the primary texts down to 53 (I don't even know how many were on there before but I know it was more than that) and I've begun to select specific poems and replace the "selected poems" place holder. The goal is to be able to have a revised draft of that list and my postcolonial theory list by the end of next week. But now that May 1st has arrived I'll be starting to read and let me just say what a daunting task that is shaping up to be. I just blew another $100 at Amazon on books, and I'm still not even close to being done buying what I want to have on my shelf by the time I start writing my exams. I don't want to have to worry about the library not having a book that I need or it being checked out by someone else or recalled. The first book on my list to read is Howards End by E.M. Forster and then I think I'll follow that with A Room with a View, also by Forster, so look for book reviews coming soon!
And lastly, I see June on the horizon, and that makes me recall last June when I wrote a +50,000 word "book" in 30 days. November just isn't a good time for me to participate in NaNoWriMo so I chose June instead last year and I'm thinking I'm going to try to write another "book" this year. There. I've put the idea out there so now anyone who reads this has carte blanche to bug me about whether or not I achieved my goal. Also, anyone reading this is invited to join me in my crazy month of writing. It's fun and rewarding and I highly recommend it. You never know. You could be the next Stephenie Meyer. he-he-he-he....
Tuesday, April 28, 2009
Tuesday's Rant
Apparently, I am ready to do anything other than finish my Victorian seminar paper. Including blogging. I mean, does anyone else find it suspicious that I have blogged twice in the last week but I hadn't blogged twice in the last 3 months? But, I do have to admit that there's finally enough pressure for me to actually get myself in gear and focus on the paper. And I think I know where I'm taking it. Albeit, I am in for a lot more revision than I initially intended, but, well, what else is new?
My rant is in regard to teaching. It's hard to be a TA for a class where you have some teaching responsibilities, and some grading responsibilities, and some administrative responsibilities, but no final decision on anything. Over the last five months I have learned that I very much like to be the sole authority in the classroom--what I mean is, I like having the final decision. I dislike having to ask for permission. I can't wait until I have my own class again in the summer. Which is actually in less than three weeks, so I really ought to get started on planning my readings and assignments. Of course, that will just have to wait until I finish both of my seminar papers. Oddly, that brings me back to needing to work on my Victorian paper. Right now in fact!
Saturday, April 25, 2009
Random Thoughts
Oddly enough, I've been twittering (tweeting?) and hence I have neglected my blog. Perhaps more odd is that all this twittering has made me want to blog. Go figure. It probably has something to do with being limited to only 140 characters. Twitter forces me to be succinct and concise and to the point and that is so not me. I like rambling on and on about nothing of real consequences.
For example, why is it that MS Word won't just figure out that because of my research interests, there will be lots of British spellings in my documents and stop changing them to the Americanized version?
My final paper for my Victorian seminar is going absolutely nowhere fast. Why is it that I just can't seem to find one solid source that discusses depictions of violence in Victorian children's literature? I mean SOMEONE has got to have written a paper or an entire book on that by now, right? What are all these tenured academics doing anyway?
I just inhaled a very large glass of water and I'm still parched!
The other day I was told that I walk very fast. Truly? This leads me to wonder if walking with someone is like dancing with someone? You know, if you dance terribly together then you're relationship is doomed. Does the same hold true for walking? If your walking paces don't match up then your relationship is also doomed? Some clarity or insight would be nice here.
On Monday, I have to give a 5-10 minute summary of the paper I'll be writing for my theory class. Notice the verb tense there. I haven't started writing it yet. I'm pretty sure that I'm going to have to BS my way through that 5-10 minutes and hope that no one asks any questions.
Monday, January 26, 2009
Conner is My Hero!
Here's my random thought of the night that thankfully has nothing to do with Darwin or French philosophy...
The point is that Tom Cavanagh's character--Conner--went to a meeting with not one, but TWO venti coffee cups. Yep, they were sitting there right in front of him, side-by-side. There's no way you could miss the point--he clearly intended to consume both of those cups of coffee, hopefully before they got cold (because I am personally not a fan of cold coffee). Seriously. If only my stomach could handle such caffeine madness I would aspire to the same kind of consumption.
Saturday, January 24, 2009
Whipped Cream = Rocket Science?
Yes, I know. This post is entirely indicative of just how much my caffeine addiction shapes my perspective on the world--okay, maybe that's an overstatement. It at least shapes my very first perspective on the world once I leave my happy home and venture out.
So this morning, I wake up, and it's snowing outside. I don't drive in the snow if i can absolutely help it. The snow wasn't supposed to start until tonight, but even yesterday i was thinking it would start early. Anyway, the snow--and my general dislike of driving in it--made me change my plans for this morning. Rather than driving myself to campus, and stopping for coffee on the way, I decided to walk downtown to the coffee shop and get my coffee there and then catch the bus to campus. So I do what I always do--order a 16oz. nonfat mocha with whipped cream. Now, before I go further, you have to know that the coffee shop I go to has this thing where they put a little dollop of whipped cream on top of the lid. I could do without that namely because it just helps me get more lipstick on the lid than is necessary, but whatever. This morning, however, it occurs to me that asking for whipped cream on a nonfat mocha is in fact rocket science for some baristas. Some of them just can't seem to get it through their heads that just because I want nonfat milk doesn't mean that I don't want the whipped cream. Why would I specifically ask for the whipped cream if that was the case? I'm so used to people wanting to deprive me of the whipped cream that I have just worked my request into my order. Well, for the barista making my mocha this morning, putting whipped cream in my drink is apparently rocket science. She hands me my drink, with a dollop of whipped cream on top. Okay, that's just my indication that she remembered the whipped cream and I walk away happily to go and catch the bus. When I get to the corner of the street and am waiting for the little white pedestrian to replace the big red hand on the walking signal, I realize that she didn't put any whipped cream in my drink. She only put it on top of the lid. WHAT KIND OF SENSE DOES THAT MAKE??!!??? None, I tell you. Seriously? Someone asks for whipped cream in their drink and you're only going to put it on top of the lid and NOT IN THE DRINK? HELLO? I mean, talk about ridiculous.
And see, I'm not usually one of those people who makes a server fix something if it's not 100% correct. You put onions in my enchiladas when I asked you not to? Okay, I'll just have to pick them out. You accidently put mushrooms on my pizza, okay, I'll pick them off. Coffee, however, is the primary exception to this rule. You don't make my $4 coffee correctly and I usually make you fix it. EXCEPT when I'm worried about missing the bus, which was the case this morning. So...I drank my nonfat mocha this morning without the heavenly luxury of whipped cream. But truly, tomorrow when I get my coffee, if one of the people who's usually there in the morning is there, they're going to get to hear this story.
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
House
Okay – so I love House. Well, let me amend that. I love it in its earliest version. I can’t really say I like the new interns that are on the show currently. But when Chase and Foreman and Cameron were the interns, the show was at its best. I watch the reruns on USA, and I love that they show so many episodes back to back, and I can’t believe just how many episodes I still actually haven’t seen. That’s basically how I spent my evening—watching probably 4 episodes (I think I started at 6, but who can be sure about these things?). Anyway, back to why I love the show. It’s because House is this tortured character and Wilson is really the only one who understands him. House doesn’t really enjoy miserable, as Wilson so succinctly stated in the last episode of my TV watching binge tonight. No, I don’t think he enjoys being miserable. I think it’s more that he just doesn’t know how to be happy. He can't have the woman he loves because she’s married to another man, and seriously, letting her go was the best thing he could have ever done for her. That doesn’t mean he likes being miserable. It just means that he doesn’t want to hurt her again and yes, selfishly, that he doesn’t want to be hurt again. I can understand that. Well, I can understand the motivating behavior behind that choice. The thing about House that no one else on the show seems to get, is that House knows who he is. He’s one of the most painfully self-aware characters on TV today. That’s one of the reasons why so many people love his character even though he’s a total ass. He deludes himself, but he knows that he's deluding himself. I've been having this ongoing conversation with a friend (yes, you know who you are!) about characters that you feel conflicted about, or characters who are conflicted. House is one of the great examples of this kind of character when it's done correctly. He's conflicted, and we're often conflicted because we know he's an ass, but he's an ass with good intentions. So we forgive him, even though we may not want to, and even though possibly, deep down inside, we think we could never ever be like him but thankfully there are people like him. (Otherwise, none of these people would ever get cured and who would watch the show then?).
But here's the thing that has me on this blogging rampage. A few days ago there was an episode where the patient told House that he had one thing—one thing that he knew he could always rely on, one thing that defined who he was, one thing that he was better at than most other people, and because of that one thing, he was alone in life—not married, no children and probably not many friends. For House that one thing is medicine. Ever since I saw that episode I wonder if I have that—one thing that makes me who I am and that I am more dedicated to than anything else, one thing that takes precedence over everything else in life. You’d think I’d be able to say that I do, considering that I'm not married with kids and have no current prospects on the horizon. But I don’t think I can say that, and I wonder what that means, if it means anything at all that is. I’m driven, yes. I have priorities, yes. But I don’t have that one thing that makes me lose sleep at night or that gets me out of bed in the morning. I just have a seemingly never-ending list of tasks to complete. I just move from one task to the next, one day to the next, looking forward to the next vacation period. Sure I have goals and things I want to accomplish, but I don’t think I go after them single-mindedly. Knowing that, realizing that makes me wonder what the hell I’m doing with my life and what am I doing it for? Should I be looking for that one thing? Because truly, I don’t want to be miserable like House. But at least House has his work and it means something to him. And even though he's just a made up character who only gets 22 new episodes a year, I still envy him for that.
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