Let Go. What (or whom) did you let go of this year? Why?
I let go of two things of significance this year. The first was my crazy addiction to television. Prior to 2010, (actually prior to June 2010) I used to always have the TV on. But during the summer I made the decision to try to start watching less television and I also made the decision to only turn on the television when I specifically intended to watch something, and after I had watched that specific show, then it would be time to turn the TV off instead of channel surfing for another hour. Now, I hardly ever turn on the TV. I can go two or three days without turning on the TV and then when I do, I think to myself, when was the last time I turned on my TV? Oh, don't get me wrong. There are still a handful of shows that I will not miss, but that handful is much, much smaller than it used to be, and now when I do actually watch a TV show live or even a download on my computer, it's more of a reward than a procrastination tool. Why did I make this decision? I read a couple of blogs that talked about whether a person should get rid of their TV. I decided that I couldn't get rid of my TV, but that I could stop watching as much TV as I did. This has given me so much time to do so many other things--write, read, work more efficiently, exercise (sometimes) and as ridiculous as it sounds, keep a cleaner house. I am so happy with the decision to let go of my addictive TV watching habits, and if there really is a move in 2011, I am going to try really hard not to have cable or satellite in my new place.
The other thing I let go of in 2010 was a toxic friendship. I think I have probably blogged about this elsewhere, but in 2009 I started to realize that this friendship that I had was toxic and that it really just wasn't very good for me mentally or psychologically. I had started to let go of that friendship in late 2009 but it was difficult to actually hold to that decision. In 2010, though, after returning home from Christmas vacation and spending time with people who really are my friends and who actually love me and are interested in my life, who understand that friendship is a give and take rather take take take, it became much easier for me to let go of that toxic friendship. I don't regret letting go, I do regret that it took me so long to let go and all of the guilt I felt for walking away from someone that I had once called a friend. I use the word guilt here because I did feel guilty--I thought that I had done something wrong or was doing something wrong by letting go. I wasn't. Some people come into your life for a season, and some people come into your life for a reason. I think this person was a little of both, because it reminded me of who I am and what I want and need from the people who are close to me. It also taught me, once more, what true friendship is and what it isn't, and I'm stronger because of that.
Monday, December 6, 2010
#reverb10 - day 6 - MAKE
What was the last thing you made? What materials did you use? Is there something you want to make, but you need to clear some time for it?
I think I could answer this question in several ways; however, the last thing that I made that gave me joy and happiness was a work of fiction. It was something that I had been working on for a while on and off, and finally I was able to write those two very fun and wonderful words: the end. This particular project didn't start in 2010, I'm not even sure that it started in 2009, but the important thing is that it was finished in 2010 and when it was finished I had this enormous sense of accomplishment and just sheer happiness, probably the one time this year that I felt like I was flying. What materials did I use? Well, I am one of those people who prefers to write longhand instead of in some kind of word document or text file, so my primary materials were pens (a different color for each day of writing, so that I can see and track my progress) and a composition notebook (I would love to say that this is the 99 cent variety, but they're no longer 99 cents). Eventually the writing goes into a word document so yes, eventually my computer is one of the materials I use, but it's not one of the primary materials. Imagination and time and dedication and frustration were all key materials in finishing that project, too. Oh, and a really great playlist on my iPod. Lots of smooth jazz.
There is something that I want to make in 2011. It's called a dissertation. I am in the process of making it now, a process that did begin in 2010. And yes, I do need to clear some time in order to complete that project. How am I going to do that? No really, how am I going to do that? I already lead a pretty isolated life, so apparently more isolation isn't what I need in order to be able to clear time to complete my project. I think I'm going to have to dig deep for some will and determination. Those two things have been significantly lacking in the last few weeks, particularly as they pertain to the dissertation.
I think I could answer this question in several ways; however, the last thing that I made that gave me joy and happiness was a work of fiction. It was something that I had been working on for a while on and off, and finally I was able to write those two very fun and wonderful words: the end. This particular project didn't start in 2010, I'm not even sure that it started in 2009, but the important thing is that it was finished in 2010 and when it was finished I had this enormous sense of accomplishment and just sheer happiness, probably the one time this year that I felt like I was flying. What materials did I use? Well, I am one of those people who prefers to write longhand instead of in some kind of word document or text file, so my primary materials were pens (a different color for each day of writing, so that I can see and track my progress) and a composition notebook (I would love to say that this is the 99 cent variety, but they're no longer 99 cents). Eventually the writing goes into a word document so yes, eventually my computer is one of the materials I use, but it's not one of the primary materials. Imagination and time and dedication and frustration were all key materials in finishing that project, too. Oh, and a really great playlist on my iPod. Lots of smooth jazz.
There is something that I want to make in 2011. It's called a dissertation. I am in the process of making it now, a process that did begin in 2010. And yes, I do need to clear some time in order to complete that project. How am I going to do that? No really, how am I going to do that? I already lead a pretty isolated life, so apparently more isolation isn't what I need in order to be able to clear time to complete my project. I think I'm going to have to dig deep for some will and determination. Those two things have been significantly lacking in the last few weeks, particularly as they pertain to the dissertation.
Thursday, December 2, 2010
#reverb10 - day 2 - WRITING
What do you do each day that doesn't contribute to your writing--and can you eliminate it?
When I read this question, I thought, wow, what a difficult question that I have no idea how to answer. To be honest, there aren't many things that I do every single day. In the last year, I have significantly decreased my TV watching, to the point that several days may pass before I actually turn on the TV with the intent to watch something. Before this year, that would have been the answer and a resounding yes that I could eliminate that particular activity. Today though, December 2, 2010, the one thing that I do every day that does not contribute to my writing is procrastination. Does this count? I don't know, but I'm going with it.
The question is, why do I procrastinate? Pretty much the answer to this question is that it's been difficult to make myself work--work as in write my dissertation, work as in grading, work as in submitting job applications. Because these are the things that are the most pressing in my life right now. Believe me when I say that I've spent a lot of time trying to figure out why this is, and perhaps I still haven't come to a conclusion. But I pretty much procrastinate and focus my attention on other chores that are basically meaningless and I tell myself that in doing them I'm spending time "thinking"--thinking about what I'm going to write next or do next. And yet that "thinking" doesn't always translate to doing. That's what I need in my life, more doing.
So the short answer is that yes, I can eliminate procrastination from my life. The question is, how to eliminate? How to stop procrastinating? I can honestly say I just don't have the answers to these questions. That's probably not okay, is it?
When I read this question, I thought, wow, what a difficult question that I have no idea how to answer. To be honest, there aren't many things that I do every single day. In the last year, I have significantly decreased my TV watching, to the point that several days may pass before I actually turn on the TV with the intent to watch something. Before this year, that would have been the answer and a resounding yes that I could eliminate that particular activity. Today though, December 2, 2010, the one thing that I do every day that does not contribute to my writing is procrastination. Does this count? I don't know, but I'm going with it.
The question is, why do I procrastinate? Pretty much the answer to this question is that it's been difficult to make myself work--work as in write my dissertation, work as in grading, work as in submitting job applications. Because these are the things that are the most pressing in my life right now. Believe me when I say that I've spent a lot of time trying to figure out why this is, and perhaps I still haven't come to a conclusion. But I pretty much procrastinate and focus my attention on other chores that are basically meaningless and I tell myself that in doing them I'm spending time "thinking"--thinking about what I'm going to write next or do next. And yet that "thinking" doesn't always translate to doing. That's what I need in my life, more doing.
So the short answer is that yes, I can eliminate procrastination from my life. The question is, how to eliminate? How to stop procrastinating? I can honestly say I just don't have the answers to these questions. That's probably not okay, is it?
Wednesday, December 1, 2010
#reverb10 - day 1 - ONE WORD
Encapsulate the year 2010 in one word. Explain why you're choosing that word. Now, imagine it's one year from today, what would you like the word to be that captures 2011 for you?
It's taken me a while to come up with one word to describe 2010. It's been a lot of things, some good and some bad, but i think the one word that encapsulates the year for me is DIFFICULT. Why is this my one word for 2010? Everything about this year has just been so difficult, so hard, such a struggle. I'm a Ph.D. candidate working on my dissertation and that in and of itself is a challenge to say the least. I'm looking for a job, too, which is always difficult. Personally, it's also been a difficult year and there are lots of reasons for this that in truth stem from my professional career as teach and student. Writing a dissertation is an isolating process, and that has been compounded in the last half of the year by the fact that once May arrived, I basically had no reason to be on campus, which means that my chances for actually interacting with people significantly declined. Even though I did try to make a point of participating in department activities and being social, I still spend a lot of my time alone. Which hasn't been good for my overall temperament. I'm used to being alone--at least, I thought I was, but this year has been a whole different level of alone, and that's just been really difficult to adjust to. Actually, I can't really say that I've adjusted all that well. I guess I'm coping, but I'm not doing anything to make it better. As I have been reflecting on this prompt, it has occurred to me that 2010 has probably been the most difficult of years for me in a really long time. Perhaps that's normal for someone who has all the things going on in her life as I do, but still, I can't claim to be living a horrible existence. Many many people have it much worse than I do. While this perspective helps, it still doesn't change how I reflect on 2010.
Here I am, imagining it's December 1, 2011. What one world would I like to capture the year? SURPRISING. I would love to be able to look back at 2011 and be surprised--to be surprised at all that I was able to accomplish in terms of starting a new career, to be surprised by all the new friendships I have made, to be surprised by all of the old friendships I have managed to retain and rekindle, to be surprised by where I call home, to be surprised by all that came into my life as a new chapter began, to be surprised by me and all of the little things about me that have changed and made me into a stronger and happier person, to be surprised that there was one moment, just one moment in the year when I could say that I felt happy and content. SURPRISING. Is that too much to hope for? Guess I'll need a year to find out. Guess I'll need a year to make 2010 surprising.
It's taken me a while to come up with one word to describe 2010. It's been a lot of things, some good and some bad, but i think the one word that encapsulates the year for me is DIFFICULT. Why is this my one word for 2010? Everything about this year has just been so difficult, so hard, such a struggle. I'm a Ph.D. candidate working on my dissertation and that in and of itself is a challenge to say the least. I'm looking for a job, too, which is always difficult. Personally, it's also been a difficult year and there are lots of reasons for this that in truth stem from my professional career as teach and student. Writing a dissertation is an isolating process, and that has been compounded in the last half of the year by the fact that once May arrived, I basically had no reason to be on campus, which means that my chances for actually interacting with people significantly declined. Even though I did try to make a point of participating in department activities and being social, I still spend a lot of my time alone. Which hasn't been good for my overall temperament. I'm used to being alone--at least, I thought I was, but this year has been a whole different level of alone, and that's just been really difficult to adjust to. Actually, I can't really say that I've adjusted all that well. I guess I'm coping, but I'm not doing anything to make it better. As I have been reflecting on this prompt, it has occurred to me that 2010 has probably been the most difficult of years for me in a really long time. Perhaps that's normal for someone who has all the things going on in her life as I do, but still, I can't claim to be living a horrible existence. Many many people have it much worse than I do. While this perspective helps, it still doesn't change how I reflect on 2010.
Here I am, imagining it's December 1, 2011. What one world would I like to capture the year? SURPRISING. I would love to be able to look back at 2011 and be surprised--to be surprised at all that I was able to accomplish in terms of starting a new career, to be surprised by all the new friendships I have made, to be surprised by all of the old friendships I have managed to retain and rekindle, to be surprised by where I call home, to be surprised by all that came into my life as a new chapter began, to be surprised by me and all of the little things about me that have changed and made me into a stronger and happier person, to be surprised that there was one moment, just one moment in the year when I could say that I felt happy and content. SURPRISING. Is that too much to hope for? Guess I'll need a year to find out. Guess I'll need a year to make 2010 surprising.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)