Random Thoughts

Oddly enough, I've been twittering (tweeting?) and hence I have neglected my blog.  Perhaps more odd is that all this twittering has made me want to blog.  Go figure.  It probably has something to do with being limited to only 140 characters.  Twitter forces me to be succinct and concise and to the point and that is so not me.  I like rambling on and on about nothing of real consequences.  

For example, why is it that MS Word won't just figure out that because of my research interests, there will be lots of British spellings in my documents and stop changing them to the Americanized version?  

My final paper for my Victorian seminar is going absolutely nowhere fast.  Why is it that I just can't seem to find one solid source that discusses depictions of violence in Victorian children's literature?  I mean SOMEONE has got to have written a paper or an entire book on that by now, right? What are all these tenured academics doing anyway?

I just inhaled a very large glass of water and I'm still parched!

The other day I was told that I walk very fast.  Truly?  This leads me to wonder if walking with someone is like dancing with someone?  You know, if you dance terribly together then you're relationship is doomed.  Does the same hold true for walking?  If your walking paces don't match up then your relationship is also doomed?  Some clarity or insight would be nice here.

On Monday, I have to give a 5-10 minute summary of the paper I'll be writing for my theory class.  Notice the verb tense there.  I haven't started writing it yet.  I'm pretty sure that I'm going to have to BS my way through that 5-10 minutes and hope that no one asks any questions.

Conner is My Hero!

Here's my random thought of the night that thankfully has nothing to do with Darwin or French philosophy...

So - I have chosen to invest the 10:00 hour watching the new show Trust Me.  Why?  You mean aside from the fact that Tom Cavanagh and Eric McCormack are hot?  Don't answer that.

The point is that Tom Cavanagh's character--Conner--went to a meeting with not one, but TWO venti coffee cups.  Yep, they were sitting there right in front of him, side-by-side.  There's no way you could miss the point--he clearly intended to consume both of those cups of coffee, hopefully before they got cold (because I am personally not a fan of cold coffee).  Seriously.  If only my stomach could handle such caffeine madness I would aspire to the same kind of consumption.

Whipped Cream = Rocket Science?

Yes, I know.  This post is entirely indicative of just how much my caffeine addiction shapes my perspective on the world--okay, maybe that's an overstatement.  It at least shapes my very first perspective on the world once I leave my happy home and venture out.  

So this morning, I wake up, and it's snowing outside.  I don't drive in the snow if i can absolutely help it.  The snow wasn't supposed to start until tonight, but even yesterday i was thinking it would start early.  Anyway, the snow--and my general dislike of driving in it--made me change my plans for this morning.  Rather than driving myself to campus, and stopping for coffee on the way, I decided to walk downtown to the coffee shop and get my coffee there and then catch the bus to campus.  So I do what I always do--order a 16oz. nonfat mocha with whipped cream.  Now, before I go further, you have to know that the coffee shop I go to has this thing where they put a little dollop of whipped cream on top of the lid.  I could do without that namely because it just helps me get more lipstick on the lid than is necessary, but whatever.  This morning, however, it occurs to me that asking for whipped cream on a nonfat mocha is in fact rocket science for some baristas.  Some of them just can't seem to get it through their heads that just because I want nonfat milk doesn't mean that I don't want the whipped cream.  Why would I specifically ask for the whipped cream if that was the case?  I'm so used to people wanting to deprive me of the whipped cream that I have just worked my request into my order. Well, for the barista making my mocha this morning, putting whipped cream in my drink is apparently rocket science.  She hands me my drink, with a dollop of whipped cream on top.  Okay, that's just my indication that she remembered the whipped cream and I walk away happily to go and catch the bus.  When I get to the corner of the street and am waiting for the little white pedestrian to replace the big red hand on the walking signal, I realize that she didn't put any whipped cream in my drink.  She only put it on top of the lid.  WHAT KIND OF SENSE DOES THAT MAKE??!!???  None, I tell you.  Seriously?  Someone asks for whipped cream in their drink and you're only going to put it on top of the lid and NOT IN THE DRINK?  HELLO? I mean, talk about ridiculous.   

And see, I'm not usually one of those people who makes a server fix something if it's not 100% correct.  You put onions in my enchiladas when I asked you not to? Okay, I'll just have to pick them out.  You accidently put mushrooms on my pizza, okay, I'll pick them off.  Coffee, however, is the primary exception to this rule.  You don't make my $4 coffee correctly and I usually make you fix it.  EXCEPT when I'm worried about missing the bus, which was the case this morning.  So...I drank my nonfat mocha this morning without the heavenly luxury of whipped cream.  But truly, tomorrow when I get my coffee, if one of the people who's usually there in the morning is there, they're going to get to hear this story.   

House

Okay – so I love House.  Well, let me amend that.  I love it in its earliest version.  I can’t really say I like the new interns that are on the show currently.  But when Chase and Foreman and Cameron were the interns, the show was at its best.   I watch the reruns on USA, and I love that they show so many episodes back to back, and I can’t believe just how many episodes I still actually haven’t seen.  That’s basically how I spent my evening—watching probably 4 episodes (I think I started at 6, but who can be sure about these things?).  Anyway, back to why I love the show.  It’s because House is this tortured character and Wilson is really the only one who understands him.  House doesn’t really enjoy miserable, as Wilson so succinctly stated in the last episode of my TV watching binge tonight.  No, I don’t think he enjoys being miserable.  I think it’s more that he just doesn’t know how to be happy.  He can't have the woman he loves because she’s married to another man, and seriously, letting her go was the best thing he could have ever done for her.  That doesn’t mean he likes being miserable.  It just means that he doesn’t want to hurt her again and yes, selfishly, that he doesn’t want to be hurt again.  I can understand that.  Well, I can understand the motivating behavior behind that choice.  The thing about House that no one else on the show seems to get, is that House knows who he is.  He’s one of the most painfully self-aware characters on TV today.  That’s one of the reasons why so many people love his character even though he’s a total ass.  He deludes himself, but he knows that he's deluding himself.  I've been having this ongoing conversation with a friend (yes, you know who you are!) about characters that you feel conflicted about, or characters who are conflicted.  House is one of the great examples of this kind of character when it's done correctly.  He's conflicted, and we're often conflicted because we know he's an ass, but he's an ass with good intentions.  So we forgive him, even though we may not want to, and even though possibly, deep down inside, we think we could never ever be like him but thankfully there are people like him.  (Otherwise, none of these people would ever get cured and who would watch the show then?).  

But here's the thing that has me on this blogging rampage.  A few days ago there was an episode where the patient told House that he had one thing—one thing that he knew he could always rely on, one thing that defined who he was, one thing that he was better at than most other people, and because of that one thing, he was alone in life—not married, no children and probably not many friends.  For House that one thing is medicine.  Ever since I saw that episode I wonder if I have that—one thing that makes me who I am and that I am more dedicated to than anything else, one thing that takes precedence over everything else in life.  You’d think I’d be able to say that I do, considering that I'm not married with kids and have no current prospects on the horizon.  But I don’t think I can say that, and I wonder what that means, if it means anything at all that is.  I’m driven, yes.  I have priorities, yes.  But I don’t have that one thing that makes me lose sleep at night or that gets me out of bed in the morning.  I just have a seemingly never-ending list of tasks to complete.  I just move from one task to the next, one day to the next, looking forward to the next vacation period.  Sure I have goals and things I want to accomplish, but I don’t think I go after them single-mindedly.  Knowing that, realizing that makes me wonder what the hell I’m doing with my life and what am I doing it for?  Should I be looking for that one thing?  Because truly, I don’t want to be miserable like House.  But at least House has his work and it means something to him.  And even though he's just a made up character who only gets 22 new episodes a year, I still envy him for that.  

The Return

Well, I'm finally back in Pullman.  The trip home was much less dramatic than the trip to Houston, and for that I am truly thankful.  however, i had to shovel snow out of my driveway yesterday, about two feet high and about oh, i don't know, 8 yards and then of course wide enough to fit my car through.  yeah, that was so not fun at all.  but it's done and that's all that matters.  luckily, it's not supposed to snow for a few days, and with the rain that's been falling and the above freezing temperatures, the roads are pretty much clear.  i even drove myself to the coffee shop where i am now, because i can't get my wireless router up and running at home.  yes, now that i've switched from a PC to a Mac, i had to get a new router, and that's all fine, but i need a user ID and password from my landlord to complete the setup process and well, let's just say that my landlord isn't real responsive and has a poor memory.  who knew ten years ago that not having instant access to the internet would be such a headache?  it's like i'm just unable to function without it.  

now that i'm back, it's interesting that all the things i put at the very back of my mind on the trip home are coming back to the fore of my mind with a vengeance.  when i got in my car yesterday to drive home from spokane, it's like the floodgates on my mind just opened up and i had to start thinking about things that i had not had to think about while i was in texas.  the problem is, i want to continue to not think about them.  i know, this is my avoidance behavior kicking in and my tendency to avoid conflict.  awareness of why i'm doing what i'm doing doesn't change anything though.  eventually i'm going to have to find a resolution to the issues i so happily escaped from three weeks ago.  hopefully it's really true that every problem has a solution, all i have to do now is find it.

New Year's Resolutions and a New Cousin

So, it's 10.16pm - about that time to be thinking about my new year's resolution for 2009. Hmm...i've been giving this some thought over the last couple of days and am still clueless. i'm hoping that a resolution will hit me at some point while i'm typing this...in the meantime...

i have a new cousin! shout out to stephanie for giving birth and all that crazy business and to my aunt cathi for being there each step of the way. it's a baby boy weighing in at 7lbs. 4oz. and there should be a name soon--i understand it's between isaiah (sp?) or ricky--the dad has to decide if the kid looks like an isaiah or a ricky, my vote is definitely for the former.

and well, i'm trying to not think about returning to pullman where it's cold and snowing and snowing and cold. hopefully i'll be able to get home from spokane when i arrive at the airport next week. i've been totally spoiled by this warm texas weather and its accompanying humidity and i so don't want to leave it for the cold, dry, snowy weather of washington. but alas...school calls....

so back to the resolution thing. my mother read that other people's resolutions have to do with finding ways to save money in the new year...checking out their cell phone packages, their cable packages, not travelling (seriously? has it come to that? i'll pass thank you very much), not eating out as much, etc. yeah, those are all good but they're also so BORING! i'm sitting here trying to ask myself what do i really want for myself in the new year? the answer: balance. a nice balance between my school and non-school lives. so that's what my resolution for 2009 is--find a way to be a more balanced individual. i'm not really sure how that will happen, or what a more balanced me looks like, but i have 365 days to figure out the details.

second to last side-bar for 2008: i have about 250 pages of breaking dawn left to read.

final side-bar for 2008: i have crave cupcakes waiting for me to enjoy at midnight. tee-hee!!!

Twilight...New Moon...Eclipse...Breaking Dawn?

So who knew that I would spend my Christmas vacation reading the Twilight saga? This all started because I was under duress in the Vegas airport when it shut down DUE TO SNOW and caused me to spend the night in the airport, wait in line, wait on hold with southwest airlines, wait in another line at 3.30 in the morning and finally get to houston 31 hours after leaving my house in pullman, running only on about four hours of sleep in about a 54 hour time span. Obviously, sleep deprivation was preventing me from thinking clearly. But I digress.

I only picked up Twilight because I was in the airport and couldn't sleep and needed something to do besides stare at the tarmac. So I bought it, started reading it, praying that it would put me to sleep but getting no such outcome. First, let me establish this: whoever told me recently that this series would be better than the harry potter series...well, i didn't believe them then, and now, halfway through the fourth and final book of this so-called "saga" (read: melodrama!) i can't imagine what they were thinking and why such foolishness would come out of a person's mouth. So no, these books are in no way brilliant or good. However, I will say that they are addictive. Why? Because you just can't seem to get to the end of one and not want to know how it's all going to end. So, I've been sucked into this Twilight series and as I said previously, I'm halfway through the fourth and final book. This is significant for two reasons: one, I've read three books (and if you're familiar with this series, you know these books are not of the 250 page and you're done variety) in about 10 days. It'll probably be 4 in two weeks and well, considering how mentally exhausted i was at the end of the semester, i would have laughed at anyone who said i would have done this much reading in so little time -- and if i had planned to do this much reading, you can bet i would have been reading harry potter instead; two, i'm halway through this book and i'm so glad that i'm almost done. Why?

The answer: I'M ALMOST DONE! this means that at least i'll know how it all ends and won't wonder if i would have really liked the series if i'd just read the books instead of just seeing the movies. i'll be "in" on all the conversations about why the movies do or do not suck because of what they do or don't leave out or completely make up in the move to the silver screen. and I AM a bibliophile, so even though i've wanted to throw new moon and breaking dawn across the room and never pick them up again, i can't help admitting that there's always a sense of accomplishment after finishing a book, a little high, no matter how bad the book is. and no offense to stephenie meyer because really, i admire most authors, even when i'm not completely adoring of their work. and to her credit, she's put a lot of thought and imagination and planning into these books because truly, everything she's done in these books have been done for a reason. but--on the other hand, could the foreshadowing be any more heavy handed? i mean, freshmen in an introductory lit course couldn't even miss the foreshadowing it's so blatantly obvious. and well, then there's bella. i'm always perplexed when authors give us a heroine/hero that we're not 100% sure that we like. i'm not really sure that i like her. no, i take that back. i'm pretty sure that i don't like her. not completely. she's might irritating. should i like her? edward is so much more likable. even jacob is more likable. the whole plot of breaking dawn--well, i won't ruin it for those of you who will eventually see the movie (which, i gotta admit, as i'm reading the book i keep thinking how this will be made into a movie) or plan on actually reading the books--anyway, as someone who enjoys writing fiction herself, i can't help but pick at the twist in plot that's occurred or the narrative strategy she's employed in the book. i so wouldn't have gone this route with the story. why? probably because i'm not into melodrama and also, well, i understand that i'm reading a vampire story, so off the bat, it's not plausible, the world in which it's set in is not plausible, but this plot twist--it makes it really hard for me to continue to suspend my disbelief. or my irritation for that matter. even more, i thought the first book was okay--certainly better than the movie, but that was a given, right?--but then i really didn't like the second book, but then i thought the third book was the best so far, thinking that she'd (meyer) had finally gotten into the writing zone but the last book, well, suffice it say, i have about 350 pages left, and it's going to have to work really hard to redeem itself. i suppose the flip side of this argument is that don't authors want to evoke an emotional response in their readers? i may not be happy with the plot twists, but at least i'm not apathetic, right? AND I DO KEEP READING which maybe says more about her talents than my good common sense or literary tastes.

hmm...i don't know how it's going to end (though my gut tells me that the smart money is on a happy ending because well, don't all melodramas end happily?). i may be driven to blog about in a couple of days. who knows? what i do know is that if you have a recommendation for a book i could read before the end of my Christmas break that wouldn't make me feel like i was wasting my reading-for-fun-time which is practically an endangered species in my life...send it along.